The Life & Times of Charlie Swan
by dragonfly76
Summary: Ever wonder about life from Charlie's point of view? How did he and Billy become friends? What was it like when he met and married Renee? Did he ever suspect there was a supernatural world happening beneath his very nose? Get a glimpse of Charlie, from the time he was a young boy to caring for his heartbroken daughter, joy at her new found love with Jake & everything in- between.
1. Chapter 1:Whenever You're In Trouble

**WARNING! This story contains racial slurs. It is not the intent of the author to offend anyone, they are simply a part of the story and the obstacles in life. **

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the**** property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Whenever You're In Trouble...

Chapter Song: Stand By Me, Ben E. King.

_June, 1972_

Eight-year-old Charles Swan, or Charlie as he liked to be called, squirmed around in the uncomfortable straight backed chair. He was trying his best to be a good boy, but the sun was shining and he was bored listening to his father and his cronies talk. Grown-ups never talked about fun stuff, like baseball cards or comic books.

Charlie fidgeted some more in his seat while his dad got a haircut and talked about local politics with his buddies. He stared out of the storefront window watching a group of boys his age go by. Charlie knew the kids, two of them were trouble with a capital T. He wondered what they were up to.

_Probably going to chuck rocks at the old abandoned warehouse on the edge of town. If I did that, Dad would skin my hide for sure_, he thought. _ Not that I really want to anyhow._ No, what Charlie really wanted to do was go to the movies and watch the special showing of the Superman serials. There was a fifty cent piece burning a hole in his pocket. Just enough to get a ticket. He frowned at the fact that there wouldn't be enough for a soda-pop or a candy bar. 

More kids ran past the barbershop laughing and having fun. He just couldn't stand it anymore! There was no way a boy his age could stay inside on a sunny Saturday morning and behave himself. "Dad, can I go to the movies? Please?"

Geoffrey Swan looked over at his young son, giving him a stern gaze for interrupting when adults were speaking. Manners, loyalty, honesty, fairness and respect ranked high in Geoff's world and that was the way he was raising Charles. He held up his hand to the other men, pausing the conversation so he could have a minute to speak to his child. "Charles, it's rude to interrupt the conversations of others. You know better."

Charlie looked at the ground, scuffing his toe against the floor, wishing he could run away and hide. "Sorry, Dad."

"Don't be so hard on the boy." The barber, Mr. O'Brien was looking at him with sympathy. "This is a pretty boring place for a young lad."

"Andy's right, Geoff. Charlie's a good boy, not like those little hooligan's I caught vandalising the empty shoe factory last week." Sheriff Johnson gave Charlie a stern look. "You steer clear of those Mallory boys, son. You'll only find yourself in trouble if you hang around them."

"Yes Sir." Charlie looked up at Sheriff Johnson with a little bit of hero worship. The cop looked an awful lot like Dick Tracy, except there were no real bad guys in Forks to hunt down. "I promise, Sir. I won't get into any trouble."

Geoffrey Swan looked at his young son, and felt sorry for him. He supposed there was no harm in letting him leave. "Alright, kid. You can go. Be home by three to do your chores and help your mother set the table for supper." He reached into his pocket and handed Charlie a quarter. "Here you go, have fun at the movies, son."

Charlie practically flew out of the shop, tasting freedom on the breeze. His Buster Browns hit the pavement hard, carrying him fast toward the movie theater. He didn't get far though. Just as he turned the corner, he saw the Mallory boys and another bully, Matt Sullivan, beating up another kid. Charlie could tell the young dark-haired boy was trying to hold his own and give as good as he got, but it was three on one.

"Damn, dirty Injun! Go back to the rez, Squanto!" shouted ten-year-old Stephen Mallory, right before throwing another punch. "Get him Stevie!" yelled Matt. "Show that cowboy killer who's boss!"

Blood was flying out of the young boy's nose. Charlie could see one of the kids eyes starting to swell already. He felt sick to his stomach. It wasn't a fair fight. Not by a long shot. He just knew whoever this kid was, that he hadn't done anything wrong. The Mallory's and Sullivan were what his Dad called 'small-minded'. He couldn't not do something. Charlie rushed forward, shouting at the bullies. "Hey, leave him alone!"

Bobby Mallory narrowed his eyes at Charlie. "Swan you big sissy! I never took you for a featherhead lover. Get outta here before we send you to scratch in the dirt at the reservation too!"

Rage clouded young Charlie's vision. He dove into the fight, fists flying, landing blows left and right. The other boy was a little startled, but quickly caught on. _Charlie was on his side_. The other three boys were kicking and spitting, trying to win, but they didn't know that Charlie's father had started teaching him how to box on Sunday afternoons. He danced back to back with the other boy, moving fast and hitting like a hammer.

Then as fast as the fight began, it was over. The Mallory's and Sullivan took off running. Charlie looked down the sidewalk and saw why. Sheriff Johnson was yelling at the three troublemakers, chasing after them, followed closely by Charlie's Dad and his friends from the barbershop.

Geoffery Swan took in the sight of the two battered boys and felt a small swell of pride. He'd told his son time and again that fighting was never the right answer, but a boy needed to know how to defend himself if the occasion arose. Apparently, this was that day. There was no doubt in his mind as to what started it all. The Mallory's and the Sullivan's came from a long line of hard-headed bigots. They'd all heard the scuffle and racial slurs from inside the barbershop. He was certain that the young boys had learned those names from their parents own lips. His son had stood up for what was right and Geoffrey Swan was proud of him. "Are you two okay?"

"I'm fine, but I think I broke Bobby Mallory's nose." Charlie waited for a reprimand, but none came. Instead his Dad clapped hand on his shoulder and turned to the small Quileute boy whose lip was busted open and bleeding. Charlie had been right. One of his eyes was swelling shut.

"How about you kid? Anything broken?"

The boy looked up at him with pride and a grin on his face. "No sir. We beat the stuffing out of 'em."

Geoffrey Swan bit back a laugh and handed the boy a handkerchief. "Here, hold that against your lip to stop the bleeding. What's your name young man?"

The youngster drew his back straight, speaking in a voice belonging to a man of power and dignity, responded. "William Black, sir, but you can call me Billy. My Father's at the general store. He said I could take a walk while he got supplies, and then those three kids got the jump on me." He looked over at Charlie. "Thanks for standing up for me."

Geoffry Swan knew of the Blacks. William Black, Senior was Chief of the Quileute People. He had seen him before in Forks, and had heard nothing but kind words about the man from the local business owners. He turned to his friend, the barber. "O'Brien, why don't you go get Billy's father. We'll wait here in case Sheriff Johnson comes back."

"Sure. I'll bring him back as quick as I can." And he did.

Less than five minutes later, Mr. O'Brien returned, followed by a very tall man with long black braids like Charlie had only seen on The Lone Ranger. His brow was creased with worry, but pride and authority radiated from his being. When he caught sight of his son, Chief Black gingerly placed a hand on the side of his face carefully assessing the damage. "This eye looks bad. We'll stop by the Ateara's on the way home and have him make you a poultice for it."

Billy cringed at the thought of the stinky concoctions his friend Quil's father, Mr. Ateara made. The medicine man didn't believe in putting a steak over a bruise like lots of people did. No, he was always doling out some smelly, sticky gunk that made you want to hurl on your shoes. _Not this time_, he thought. _No way, Jose_. He cringed away from his father's touch. "I'm fine, Pop. I don't need to see Mr. Ateara."

Chief Black just brushed it off and turned to Charlie. "I heard you stepped in and defended Billy."

Charlie looked up at the big man in awe. "Yes, sir. They called him bad names. Dad says that's not right, and it was three on one. That's not a fair fight. We woulda' licked 'em good too if they hadn't run away."

"Would you, now?" Charlie's father laughed a little at his son's proclamation. These two boys were pretty proud of themselves, that was for sure. "You're right, son, it wasn't a fair fight." Geoffrey held out his hand and introduced himself to William Black. "I'm Geoff Swan, and this is my son, Charles."

Chief Black accepted his hand gratefully. "William Black. It's nice to meet you." Then he turned his eyes to small boy who had valiantly defended his son. "It seems you have the heart of a warrior, young man. Not only did you stand up for what was right, but there's barely a scratch on you. I owe you my thanks." He looked back up at Geoff Swan. "It would be an honor to my family and our people if your family would join us for the afternoon tomorrow in LaPush. I would very much like get to know the parents who have taught their son to see past the color of another man's skin. Perhaps our children will become friends."

Geoffrey Swan accepted the invitation with a smile. "I am sure my wife would enjoy that very much. Thank you."

As William Black and Billy walked away, little Charlie Swan thought that perhaps grown ups did do some interesting things after all and tomorrow couldn't come fast enough.

Charlie and Billy ran laughing out the back door of the Black's house. The two boys were so glad to be set free for the afternoon that they couldn't help it. As soon as they were out of sight, both peeled off the starched button-up shirts forced on them by their parents, tossing them in a nearby tree to put back on later. It just felt all wrong to get dressed up. Charlie was more comfortable in his jeans and a t-shirt.

Mr & Mrs. Black had been really nice to him, but he felt a little uncomfortable with all the attention. It was no big deal. He just jumped in and helped. He didn't even have a black eye from the fight to show for it like Billy did. Now that was cool. He could tell everyone he licked those bullies and point to his purpley eye to prove it. Charlie wished he at least had a busted lip or something for his trouble. Kind of like the war wound his Dad had. A big old scar that ran down his arm from a bullet grazing him. That was super cool.

"Come on Charlie! Let's go!" shouted Billy, racing as fast as his feet could carry him. He wanted to go to the little store on the rez and check for new baseball cards.

Charlie chased after him, but Billy Black was faster and he had to stop outside the store to catch his breath before going in. When it finally felt like he could breathe again, he burst inside, ready to spend the money that had been burning a hole in his pocket since yesterday morning. Sodas and candy outside on the picnic benches seemed like a really good idea. He was so absorbed in wondering if Billy would like strawberry or grape soda best, that he failed to notice the mean stares from the man and woman behind the counter. Happy as only an eight-year-old on a sunny day could be, Charlie plunked his loot down and pulled out his fifty cent piece with a huge smile on his face.

The man behind the counter stared him down, arms crossed over his chest as if he disapproved of his very existence on the planet. "Kika! Get out of here!"

Charlie stood in shock. The man's eyes were filled with hate. Hate like he saw yesterday in the Mallory brothers. Nobody had ever looked at him like that before. He couldn't move. His feet were glued to the floor like in a bad dream. His cheeks flamed red and then the woman behind the counter moved towards him. For a second Charlie felt relieved. Maybe she was going to tell him what he'd done wrong. It was a short lived feeling. She fixed her angry eyes on him, voice was thick with disgust. "Hokwat! Go home. You're not welcome here."

"I just want to pay for the soda pops and candy, please." His eyes were round as saucers. Not quite knowing what to do, he said the first words that came out of his mouth. "I promise, they're not wooden nickels. You can change them. My money is good." It sounded stupid, he knew, but he thought maybe it wasn't the same kind of money they used. He'd never been outside of Forks before. Maybe they have different coins on the reservation.

The woman put her hand on his shoulder, pushing him towards the door and the man behind the counter raised his chin. "We don't take money from Hokwat's. No palefaces are welcome here. Go back to where you belong, and don't come to La Push again."

Kika! Kika!" The mean woman shoved him hard towards the door, sending Charlie stumbling. Embarrassed, trying desperately not to cry, Charlie tried to right himself and regain his footing, but she grabbed him by the shirt, pushing and dragging, muttering words under her breath that he didn't understand. _Basi, tabilichli, lilap, kika..._ he didn't know what the words meant, but he was sure it couldn't be good.

"Atila-cha' -chid!"

Suddenly, the woman stopped. Astonishment mixed with fear fell over her face. She quickly let go of Charlie, making him fall hard onto the wooden floor.

"Atila-cha' -chid!" The voice was young, but the power laced in it was unmistakable. Charlie Swan peered around the woman to see Billy Black, standing tall, proud and very, very angry.

The woman held up her hands in protest. "Tsatili! Tsatili!

Billy eyed them all and for a minute Charlie saw the same indignation on his face that he had yesterday when the bullies were calling him names. He wondered if Billy was gonna start throwing punches and quickly scrambled to his feet, rubbing his sore bottom. He wasn't sure, but there was probably going to be a bruise. He inched back toward the counter and stood next to Billy Black. "This is my friend, Charlie Swan. He's with _me_, and his parents are guests of my _father's_ today."

It must have meant something to the people running the store. Their eyes widened with surprise. The man behind the counter looked at Charlie a little bit kinder, but still disapproving and spoke. "Hista tala."

When Charlie didn't respond, the man repeated the word impatiently. "Hista tala!" Wondering if he should ask what it meant, Charlie tried to summon up all his courage, but Billy elbowed him in the ribs. "Give him your money, so we can leave."

Charlie handed over his coins The man counted out his meager change and put his things in a brown paper sack. "Thanks." Billy grabbed him by the arm and dragged him toward the door. He was getting a little sick of being pushed around today. The woman called towards to them, her voice sugary sweet like a mother and a fake smile plastered on her face. _Looks like Howdy Doody,_ he thought. "Thank you, boys! Come back again soon!"

Billy turned his head and glared. "Was ho!" Again, it was another word Charlie didn't know, but something told him that Billy wouldn't be bringing him back here again anytime soon.

Once outside, the two boys breathed in the fresh air and made their way down to the beach to sort through their loot. Charlie didn't say anything to Billy and Billy didn't say anything to Charlie. Both were feeling pretty low, kicking at the pebbles beneath their feet. Grown-ups were mean, kids were stupid and life wasn't fair.

Finally making it down to First Beach, they settled onto a picnic table. Charlie opened up the bag of treats he'd picked out so carefully at the store. All the wind had been taken out of his sails. His eyes cast down at the table, he wondered if Billy even wanted to hang out with him now. Seeing his pale hands, he knew it was all because he was white. His skin was white and Billy's was copper colored. _So what? _he thought. _It's just skin. Everybody's gotta have something to keep their guts from spilling out. _

"Can I have the grape soda pop?" Charlie was startled and looked up to see Billy grinning at him. "Unless you want the grape one. I like strawberry too."

Charlie mirrored his smile and felt his little shoulders relax. "You take it. I really like strawberry." He tore open a package of scooter pies and handed one to Billy. The two munched silently for a few minutes, until Charlie worked up the courage to ask about the bad words that the people running the store said to him.

Billy shrugged his shoulders. "They're just words, Charlie." Seeing that his friend wasn't going to be swayed, he took a deep breath. "Ok. Hokwat means white man. But, the way they said it was the mean way, like calling you a paleface. Kika means get out of here, and she also called you dirty, annoying and weak. I asked them what they were doing, and they tried to say nothing. Oh, and I also told them no way when they said to come back again."

Charlie looked down at the table, his feelings hurt all over again. He picked at the candy wrapper, trying to figure out if he did something wrong to make them angry.

Billy felt sorry for Charlie. It wasn't his fault grown-ups were just as dumb as kids sometimes. "Hey, do you like baseball? I got some packs of baseball cards to open."

Charlie grinned. "Yeah I do! Dad promised me he's gonna take me to a game. Maybe you and your Dad can come with." He got out his pocket knife and carefully slit open the package that Billy handed him.

"Wow, that's a neat pocket knife!" Charlie handed it to Billy to use and he looked it over carefully. His Pop was teaching him to carve, but he didn't have his own knife yet. "I got it at the general store. It's a Swiss Army knife. Look on the other side. There's a little pair of scissors and a toothpick too." The boys got caught up in looking at the knife and the cards. Billy was still feeling guilty that Charlie got dumped on today and that he had to fight for him yesterday. So, he gave him the best of the cards from the two packs. Mickey Mantle and Willie Mays.

While they had been sorting through the cards, Charlie had been thinking. Grown-ups never listened to kids and grown-ups were never afraid of kids. But the two back in the store did and he wanted to know why. "Can I ask you somethin', Billy?"

"Sure, sure."

"How come they listened to you and were nice? Grown-ups never listen to kids, and if you yell at them like you did, you get in big, big trouble."

Stretching his arms wide in gesture, he told him, "Cuz I'm gonna be the big Chief someday. Right now, my Pop is Chief of the tribe, so they they gotta show us Blacks some respect." Billy smiled like he'd just gotten away with murder.. "I told them you were my Dad's special guest, and now they're probably afraid he's gonna make them talk to the council. I scared them, alright. Big time!"

Charlie's mind was swimming with ideas. If being a Chief meant people had to listen to you, even little kids, that was what he wanted to be when he grew up. "That is so cool! I wanna be a Chief too! Then everyone will have to do what I say!"

Billy just shook his head. "You can't. You're not Quileute. Only Quileutes can be Chiefs, and even then it's only the Black men that can be Chief," he pointed out.

Charlie was thoughtful for a minute. _It's not true_. _Sheriff Johnson's the Chief of Police. _ _That's IT!_ "I know! I'll be the Chief of Police for Forks! Then I can be a Chief just like you, Billy! We'll run all the mean bullies out of La Push and Forks and everyone will have to do what we say!" He was so excited by the idea that formed in his head, that he handed over the admired pocket knife to Billy. He owed him for today. "Here, you keep it."

Billy looked at him warily. "Are you sure?"

"Sure, I'm sure!" I can get another in the general store. They've got loads of them. 'Sides, you stuck up for me today, and you gave me all the cool baseball cards," he explained.

It wasn't a fair trade and Billy knew it. He wanted that knife, he really did, but he didn't have anything to give Charlie in return. Yeah, he'd stuck up for him today, but he figured that only made them even for yesterday. The baseball cards didn't cost half as much as the knife did. Then suddenly an idea struck him. He could tell him a secret. A big, fat secret he'd been dying to tell someone, anyone. He couldn't tell his friends. _They all have loose lips_, he thought. _ But, Charlie's different. I just know I can trust him. _

Then, as soon as the idea hit, Billy realized the problem with his plan. His shoulders slumped and he looked defeated. Charlie was confused. He held out the knife in the palm of his hand. "Don't you want it? I thought you liked it?"

Billy shook his head. "I can't take it. It's not a fair trade. I don't have anything to give you, and I really, really want to tell you the biggest secret in the world to make it fair, but I can't because you're not Quileute!" Billy tugged at his hair, frustrated and upset. This was all wrong. For the second time in two days, the color of his skin was screwing up his life.

Charlie Swan was a smart kid though, and he remembered something he'd seen at the movies. "I know, Billy! We can be blood brothers!" He opened the knife excitedly. "I cut my palm a little bit, and you cut yours, and then we mash our hands together so our blood gets all mixed up. Then you'll have some of my Irish blood and I'll have some of your Quileute blood-"

"and then I can tell you my secret!" interrupted Billy, jumping out of his seat he was so excited. "Here, I'll go first." He snatched the knife and winced a little scraping the blade on his palm, leaving a shallow inch long gash. Billy handed the knife back to Charlie who did the same. They held their hands up, palms out and laced their fingers, pushing the cuts together as tight as they could. When it was over, they looked at each other in wonder.

"Do you feel Irish now?" laughed Charlie.

"I dunno, but now that you're Quileute, I can tell you my secret." Billy looked around the beach to make sure there was nobody around to overhear him. He could get in really, really big trouble for this. But the way he figured it, he'd only tell Charlie about his Grandfather. He was dead now, so nobody could ask him about it if Charlie told. _Yeah, that would work,_ he thought. He took a deep breath and leaned in real close. "The legends of my people say we're descended from wolves. I can't remember all the stories, but the legends say that some of the tribe can actually turn into wolves."

Charlie wrinkled his brow, thinking this little piece of information over. _No way it's true_, he thought. He didn't want to make Billy mad or hurt his feelings. He thought it was real and that was what counted. "Gee, that's a cool story, Billy. Thanks for telling me about your people." _There! That was the kind of respectful answer his Dad had taught him to give_.

Billy rolled his eyes. "No, Charlie, that's not the secret. Well, it's part of it, 'cuz only tribe can know about the legends, and I could get in big, big trouble for telling you. You believe me, right?"

Charlie shrugged. "Sure, I mean, it's just a story, but it's a cool one."

"No, Charlie! It's real." Billy's shifted around, looking over his shoulder, checking to make sure the beach was still deserted. "I saw one," he breathed. Charlie's eyes flew open wide, his jaw dropping a little. Billy Black took a little boyish satisfaction in his reaction and leaned even closer, his words rushed and excited. "Two years ago, before my Grandfather died, my Pop took me into the forest, and Grandfather was there. He blew out of his skin and turned into a giant wolf!" He slapped his hands down on the picnic table for effect, happy that he made Charlie Swan jump. As a matter of fact, he looked a little green around the gills and Billy wondered if he'd gone too far.

For his part, Charlie wasn't sure what to think. He just knew it couldn't be true, but Billy was good at telling stories and he was scared silly. His eyes darted to the woods. Charlie gulped- hard. "Do, do you think... are there more? Out there?"

Billy shrugged. "Sure, sure. I mean, where there's one there's always two, right?" He felt smug, and satisfied. He was sure he'd said just enough and not spilled enough beans to feel super duper guilty. But he knew he was pushing it and cast around in his mind for a way to change the subject. Looking down the long stretch of sand, he saw his two friends coming their way.

"Hey, wanna meet my friends? You'll like Quil and Harry. We can all go fishin' together. Pop got me some new minnow lures at the store yesterday."

"Do we have to go into the woods?" Charlie didn't want to sound like a sissy, but he was a little afraid.

"Nah, there's a stream behind my house we can fish in." Billy jumped to his feet. "Come on!"

In the space of one weekend, a lifelong friendship was born. One that defied the odds of the time they lived in. Little did the two boys know that down the road, their own kids would be best friends. That one of them would date a vampire and one would become a wolf. Thirty years later, Charlie would remember the story Billy told him and wonder if maybe, just maybe, there was a grain of truth to it after all.


	2. Chapter 2: The Promised Land

**WARNING! This story contains racial slurs. It is not the intent of the author to offend anyone, they are simply a part of the story and the obstacles in life.**

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the**** property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

**Song: Highway to Hell AC/DC**

August, 1981

"Shut the fuck up, Mallory!" Charlie shouted. He'd had enough of the Mallory brothers over the years to last a lifetime. Those two asses and their buddies were a bunch of losers with shit for brains and way too much time on their hands.

"What? Don't think your buddy Squanto can take us? Everyone livin' on the rez is so poor that car is probably held together with duct tape and rubber bands." Bobby Mallory was hanging out of the passenger window of the new mustang alongside them, taunting, baiting them into racing. One he was stupidly sure that the rez rats would lose.

Billy and Harry sat in the backseat, fists clenched, ready to jump out and pound the shit out of someone. If the car hadn't actually been moving, they probably would have. Quil, on the other hand, leaned out the window, a twisted grin on his face, and shouted back over the loud roar of the wind and rumbling engines.

"There's a reason they call us wagon burners, Mallory. I'll smoke your ass." Quil knew what kind of pussy engine was hiding under all the chrome and shine of that new mustang. It didn't even compare. The 442 he'd rebuilt might still look like a piece of shit on the outside, but under the hood she was hotter than sin and purred like a kitten. "One mile drag, asshole, and you'll eat your words."

Steve jerked his head in their direction, cocky and wild eyed. "You're on, Buffalo Jockey. When we win, you keep your dirty red asses out of Forks."

"Oh, that's it! Make the fucker pull over Quil!" In the backseat Billy seethed with righteous anger. It had been years since he last punched Bobby or Steve Mallory, not to mention that butthead, punk Sullivan that ran with them. He was itching to spill some blood. "I'm gonna re-arrange that pretty boy, pussy mother fucker, assholes face!"

Harry threw an arm across his friend's chest, and tried to be the voice of reason. "Simmer down, Black. You can't do that shit anymore. You're not ten, and you're the Chief's son."

Harry would have loved nothing more than to turn Billy loose on the Mallorys, but it was a bad idea all around. Dick Mallory was on Fork's city council, and Sheriff Johnson wouldn't be able to overlook a fight. They weren't on the rez, and even if they were, he was sure that somehow the Mallory family would bring trouble down on all their heads.

"Listen to him, Billy. 'Sides, I've got a better idea." Charlie leaned over Quil and shouted back at Bobby. "Hey Asshole! You win, they stay out of Forks. We win, you guys quit calling my friends Squanto and any other fucked up names you've got in that pathetic shit brain of yours."

"Alright, Swanie!" Bobby revved the engine a little higher. "I'll back off the redskin mascots if you win." Billy hopped around in the backseat, a stream of cuss words flowing out of his mouth like a rushing river. "But you're the one's gonna be sending me smoke signals from LaPush, injun lover."

"I swear to fucking God, if you don't beat their asses, I'm gonna rip apart this car piece by piece." Billy was ready to hop into the front seat and take the wheel himself. _Hell, he'd run them off the road and never look back, _thought Charlie. If there was one thing Billy Black was known for, other than his sparkling black eyes, it was the unholy, raging temper that lurked just beneath their surface.

Quil was completely unphased and just kept rubbing the lucky rabbit foot dangling from the key chain. "Don't insult Ruby. She's a sexy bitch and she's gonna win this for us." He grinned wide and looked at his friends through the rear-view mirror. "Then you're gonna buy enough beer for us to get shit-faced this weekend."

"Just fucking drive, Ateara! The mile marker's coming up and you're gonna miss it if you keep running that fat mouth of yours!" He turned his wrath on Charlie, making him cringe with fear. "If we lose this, Swan, I'm gonna beat the piss out of you!"

"Hang on boys, let's have some fun!" Quil cranked the 8-track player and heavy pounding rock poured out of the speakers, drowning out the rumble of the engine. He put it to the floor and in about 20 seconds, the Mallory's were nothing but a speck on the highway. The guys all whooped and hollered. It was the last weekend before school started and they owned the night.

* * *

><p>Charlie woke, his head pounding with all the force of a sledgehammer. Cautiously, he cracked one eye. The blinding light of the early morning sun streamed in through the window, burning his retinas. Reaching behind his head, he grasped at the pillow and covered his face. Groaning, he slowly pulled the pillow away, allowing his eyes to adjust to the light. Dust motes danced in the air and beside him a soft, warm body shifted deeper into the mattress. That's when realization hit. This wasn't his room and he definitely wasn't alone.<p>

He sat straight up in bed, the room tilting on its axis. His mouth felt like cotton, his stomach sloshy, head in a vice grip and naked as the day he was born. "Shit!"

He clapped a hand over his mouth and the young girl stirred, her soft dark hair slipping away from her cheek, revealing her face. She was beautiful and for just a minute, he contemplated leaning over and kissing the smooth ivory shoulder or running his hand over the curve of her hip.

He shook his head, desperate to clear the fog and looked around the room. He was at Quil's place. That much he knew. Racking his brain, he tried to figure out how he ended up here, but it was a lost cause. After they won the drag race, everything was a blur. Glancing down at the soft body next him, his thoughts started to race once again. _What the hell had happened last night? _

Carefully he slid out of the bed, landing his foot in something squishy. "Fuck." Condom. Correction. Used condom. His eyes went wide. He'd had sex with the girl. Not just any girl. She was THE girl. The one he'd been crushing on for 3 years. Katie White. He'd lost his virginity to the girl of his dreams and he couldn't even remember it. _Christ, I hope it was good,_ he thought. _Please, God, let me have lasted for more than two minutes._

Carefully he navigated the disaster that was Quil's bedroom, tiptoeing over the squeaky floorboard and the countless piles of useless crap laying around. His head was still spinning and he came dangerously close to tipping over a stack of magazines with a twelve pack of empties balancing precariously on top of it.

Very slowly, he opened the door, the tiny squeal of hinges sounding like nails on a chalkboard to his sensitive ears. One more backward glance, then he stepped into the hallway and eased it closed, gently working the knob so as not to wake Katie. Charlie rested his forehead on the cool wall, still in a fog about what exactly had happened that night. The last thing he could remember was drinking like a fish on one of the docks, talking smack and celebrating. He made his way down the hall to the cramped bathroom, pee'd what must have been that empty twelver and splashed cool water on his face.

A little more awake and definitely worse for the wear, he headed into the living room in search of his friends. The tv was already blaring and he could hear Quil's barking laugh at whatever the hell the roadrunner was up to. _Asshole needs to turn down the volume before he wakes Katie. _

One look told him he wasn't the only one with a hangover. Billy's long legs stretched lazily across the couch, eyes screwed shut, a cold can of beer by his side. Quil was resting on the floor, pile of pillows next him, wolfing down dry cereal in an effort to soak up some of the beer swimming in his gut. Over in the corner sat Harry. The latest issue of Playboy open, fully absorbed in Bo Derek's sexy Tarzan centerfold.

He was the only one that ever kept his head when all of them went on a bender. Day after for him usually consisted of letting them all know what asses they'd made of themselves or making loud noises to be a jerk. Charlie thanked God his friend was too wrapped up in naked ladies right now to make too much noise.

Harry and Quil were obsessed with Playboy magazine. If any of them knew that morning that someday Harry's six year old son would find his stash, sneak one into his backpack and take it to school for show and tell, they might have stopped collecting. As it was, they were seventeen and boobs were of prime importance in their world, along with that little slice of heaven concealed between a chick's legs.

Billy cracked open one eye, glancing up at Charlie standing in the doorway. He stretched his arms over his head and sat up a little, folding his long, lean runners legs up to give his buddy room to sit. "Hey lady killer. S'up with that fine piece of ass? She pop your cherry last night?"

Charlie tried to look smug, but if there was one thing he wasn't, it was a lady killer. Shyness and not hanging around with what a small town deemed as an appropriate crowd made him appear reserved and a little too quiet. Instead of looking cool, his Irish face flushed red and his buddies all laughed.

Quil grinned wider than the Grand Canyon and threw his hand up in the air for a high five. "Fuck yeah! Swan finally got laid!"

It really didn't matter if he was a little fuzzy on the details. All the evidence pointed to it. Naked, used condom, Katie in bed with him... it had to have happened. Charlie was just about to smack Quil's hand in triumph when Harry interrupted his little victory dance.

"Jesus, Swan, you can't remember can you?"

Harry's eyes watched the changing expressions slide over Charlie Swan's face. He was so far gone last night, there was no way in fucking hell he could recall bedding Katie. After downing a twelver in P.A. and tokin' on Quil's bong later, it was just fact. Besides, Charlie was notorious for blacking out when he'd had too many. Reluctantly Harry tossed Bo Derek to the floor and stared Charlie down.

Billy Black's eyes danced with devilment. Charlie Swan was the best friend he ever had, but this was too good. He'd been crushing on the chick for three years. No way he was gonna ever let him live this one down. "You finally lose it to the girl of your dreams and you can't fucking remember it? Shit!"

"Shut the hell up, Black." Charlie flopped down on the couch and yelped in pain. "Jesus Christ! What the hell?" He clapped a hand over his ass cheek, wincing at the sting. _What the fuck?_

"Man, you really don't remember last night, do you?" Harry shook his head. "Quil, drop your pants, man and show Charlie what you two dumb-asses did last night."

Quil being Quil, stood and gave Charlie a sexy grin and shook his hips, slowly creeping his shorts down.

"Quil, you perv! Turn around!" shouted Harry. "Nobody wants to see your limp dick."

Billy nearly fell off the couch from laughing so hard. "Yeah, we only wanna see your ass, pretty boy. Turn around and give Charlie a show."

Quil stopped, rolled his eyes and ran a hand over his chest. "You guys sure? After all, the ladies can't resist it." He dodged the pillow thrown at him and whirled around, unceremoniously dropping his drawers. There emblazoned on his ass was the Ranier Beer logo. Charlie was stunned. "What the hell? Are you guys telling me Quil and I got tat's on our butts last night?"

"Not just any tattoo's, buddy. Matching Ranier tat's." Quil looked over his shoulder at Harry and Billy. "The other two chickenshits wouldn't get one with you. Hell, Harry tried to get you to leave the shop, but you were pretty determined. So, being the awesome friend I am, I got one with you." He wiggled his ass a bit and backed towards the couch where Charlie was sitting. "Hurt like a bitch too."

Charlie was trying to wrap his head around the fact that he now had a fucking beer logo emblazoned on his right butt cheek when he was brought back to reality by a throat clearing in the doorway.

"Nice, Quil. Is this standard for you guys in the morning? Showing each other your asses?" Charlie's head whipped around and he jumped off the sofa quick as lightening. Katie stood near the doorway, obviously ready to leave, a set of car keys hooked over one finger.

Quil quickly scrambled to pull his pants back up, tripping over his huge feet at the same time and crashing onto his freshly inked ass. "Ow! Mother Fuck! That hurts!"

"Don't get dressed on my account. I was just leaving," she giggled, clearly not embarrassed by doing the walk of shame.

Harry observed the chaos of the room. Quil was rubbing his ass like a weirdo, Billy was about to fall off the couch from laughing so hard, on the floor next to his chair, Bo Derek was flashing her goodies for the world to see and Charlie was beet red, tongue tied and frozen to the spot he was standing on. _Shit, we all look like a bunch of jackasses_, he thought.

"Shut up you jerks. Quil, cover your ass. There's a lady in the room," he ordered. Then thoughtfully looking between Charlie and Katie, he tried to salvage the best of a fucked up situation. "Katie, you don't have to leave. You're welcome to have breakfast with us." He gestured to the boys acting like idiots in the room. "I swear, everyone will behave."

Charlie somehow found his voice again and looked down at her with longing. "He's right, you know. I swear we've got manners, even if it doesn't look like it."

Katie just smiled good-naturedly and shook her head no. "Don't worry about it. It's a boys weekend. I've got brothers, I get it. Thanks for the offer, but I need to go."

Charlie followed behind her feeling like a lost puppy. _God, what do I do? Can I ask her if I was good?_ he wondered. Then he grinned like a maniac. _I had sex with the girl of my dreams last night. Who gives a shit if I can't remember it? _It wasn't lost on him that losing his virgin status upped his rep with the guys. Feeling a little like a jerk, he left the front door open, figuring it would be easier for Billy, Harry and Quil to eavesdrop that way. _Hell, they're gonna do it anyway. May as well make it easy for 'em._

He felt like he owed her something. He wanted to see her again. So, he stopped on the porch, and grabbed her hand. "Listen, Katie... " He wasn't sure how to put it. _What the hell do you say after a one night stand? Thanks for the hot sex? Sorry I don't remember it?_ He shook his head. "I'm not that kind of guy. I'll call you, okay?" He was hopeful. He wanted her and for more than just a roll in the hay.

"Look, Charlie it was fun and all, but if you're looking for a relationship, forget it." She peered up him at through her long dark lashes, only to see he was looking at her with a weird mix of confusion and adoration. She didn't mean to sound so harsh, but Charlie Swan really was an innocent. He was also very sweet. She wanted to see him again, just not in the way he probably thought.

Katie licked her lower lip seductively and reached her tiny hands up, pulling his face down to hers. Impulsively, she nibbled on his earlobe a little and smiled a bit when he held his breath. "You may not be that kind of guy, but I'm that kind of girl," she whispered. "So, if you wanna have a little fun again... I'm in the book." Then she turned on her heel and walked over to her car, hips swaying and not so much as one backward glance.

He stood on the porch long after she drove off. It was Quil who finally came out to check on him, clapping him hard on the shoulder. "You alright, man?"

Charlie shrugged his shoulders. No point in trying to act like a macho prick. "Sure. I guess. I never new she was such a -"

"Slut?" provided Quil.

Charlie winced at the word. He hated to admit it, but Quil was right. "Yeah. I never knew."

They stood side by side, quiet and leaning against the porch rail, thinking about the night before and upcoming school year. It was never something Charlie looked forward to. Ever since that spring when he was a little kid he'd wished he could go to the tribal school with his buddies. He wasn't Quileute, but the reservation was home for him. Billy's Pop told him it was because he carried the spirit of their people in his heart. Even if he wasn't one of them by blood, they were his family and he was one of them.

"You know, there's a party on the beach tonight", said Quil, looking straight ahead at the wide expanse trees in the distance. It wasn't often he was silent, but Charlie knew there was a side to him, a river in his soul that ran deeper than most people would guess. Sure, he was easy going, tough when he needed to be and always quick to tease and joke around. But behind that smile, underneath that muscle, was thoughtfulness and keen intelligence. A loyal friend who was there for you through thick and thin. "Joy's gonna be there."

Charlie cringed a little. _Billy will kill him_, he thought. "You know Billy will have your ass if you screw around with his cousin."

"Girls like Katie, they're a dime a dozen. Joy, she's sweet. She sees people for who they really are. If she thinks you're slime, she won't waste her time on you." He shrugged. "I just wanna get to know her better."

Charlie nudged him with his shoulder. "Doesn't hurt that she's pretty and legs that are miles long either, huh." Then Quil did something that completely disarmed him. Turning his head, he looked Charlie straight in the eyes. "She's beautiful", he breathed. _He's in love with her. Shit! Billy is definitely gonna kill him_ _and he's gonna want me to help him hide the body. _

Quil pushed off the porch rail and stretched his arms above his head, lips parted into his trademark smile, eyes full of mischief again. "Let's get a move on. It's almost noon, and there's a cold 12 pack in the fridge with our name on it. School starts again in a few days and it's our last weekend of freedom."

Charlie couldn't help but smile back. Yeah, he'd help him smooth things over with Billy. Shit, it was just what friends did. "Hey Quil?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for getting an ass tat with me." Truthfully, he meant so much more than just the new ink, and Quil knew it.

"Anytime, brother. Anytime." The two held up their hands, high-fiving each other, looking as stupid as only two seventeen year olds can. "Alright, Ladies Man. Let's roll on down to the beach. See if your pale ass manages to score two nights in a row." He paused a second, pulling a serious mask over his face. "Oh, and dude, there better not be any used rubbers laying around in my room either."

The four boys passed a lazy summer afternoon playing football on the beach, ogling girls and swimming. Later, after the sun had set, Charlie looked around the bonfire at all of his friends. Common sense told him that one day they all might go their separate ways. That was just life. But, his heart told him somehow, they'd always be together. Friends, blood brothers, family. Laughter rang through the air that moonlit night. Time and distance, the prejudices of the outside world, none of it mattered to them. Life was sweet. They were seventeen and the whole world was at their feet.

Years later, memories from that weekend would surface in Charlie's mind each time he saw Quil Jr, Jacob and Embry running along the same beach or working in the Black's tiny little garage. The loss of life, too young, too soon, had torn the edges of his heart. It was months before Charlie could bring himself to visit the reservation he loved so dearly. Grief and sorrow had taken away from the magic and charm it once held and in its place was only darkness. The ghost of Quil's laughter haunted every corner of LaPush. Charlie missed his friend, his insatiable lust for life and the easy movement with which he had walked the earth.

Seeing his boy grow up without a father was hard. Charlie did his best to look out for Quil, silently watching over him, making sure he had the things he needed. Sometimes it was the ten dollar bill that made it into his coat pocket or new clothes he left on Joy Ateara's porch when nobody was around. More often than not, it was taking the three young boys fishing with Billy and Harry. Floating on the blue waters that Quil had loved and ultimately claimed his life, they shared their memories with the boys. They made sure that a son would always know who his father was and how much he had loved him.

A few days after the funeral, Joy signed the 442 over to Charlie. Ruby now sat in a storage shed under a protective tarp. Over the years he, Harry and Billy would go over and sit in it, listening to music and talking about their old friend. One day soon, he'd give Ruby to Quil Jr. He figured it should be right before school started, when the boys were all seventeen. He couldn't know how their lives would change so dramatically before then. One thing was for sure though, watching the tricks he played on his friends, the glint of laughter in his eyes and the loyalty he showed his buddies, Charlie knew.

_Quil Ateara might be gone from this earth, but his spirit lived on in the heart of his son._


	3. Chapter 3: Wonder If It Was A Dream

**Song: Boys of Summer by Don Henley**

**August 1985**

Charlie sat alone on First Beach watching the cold, grey waves breaking along the shore. It had been over a month since he last saw her. A month of dull empty days in which he felt lifeless and lost at sea. She promised she'd come back. But, summer was long over. The beaches and shops once full with the laughter of tourists stood empty. The streets were quiet. September had passed, taking with it the warmth of the sun. In its wake October had come, bringing cool nights and autumn leaves.

He felt restless, achy with some kind of secret need. The world seemed devoid of all color without her. For the first time in his life, Charlie understood the meaning of heartbreak... and it was slowly eating him up inside. There was no where he could go. Everything he looked at, every place he went reminded him of her. Beautiful memories strung like pearls on a golden thread. Part of him wished they had never met. That he could erase their time together. Then maybe, just maybe he wouldn't feel so... empty.

Charlie was grateful for the soft rain obscuring the tears that fell when he walked over to that spot. Miles of sand and he knew exactly where it was that he first met her. That slow easy smile, satin skin kissed by the sun, dark curls that framed her face. Falling to his knees he looked towards the heavens wondering _why? _ _What was the point in meeting her, wanting her, loving her- if she's never coming back?_

Charlie Swan closed his eyes and allowed the memories of her to flood his mind, transporting him back to the day he had first laid eyes on Renee...

"What?", mumbled Charlie, burying his head deeper into the pillow. He and Billy had spent part of yesterday afternoon fishing and the greater part of the day getting drunk. All he wanted to do was sleep a little longer. Work was kicking his ass, and it was the first weekend he'd had off all summer.

"Get your lazy ass up!" Billy yanked the pillow out from under Charlie's head effectively waking him up for the day.

"What the fuck!' Charlie glared at him. _Asshole knows I've been working crap hours. _

"Get over it. It's almost noon. I'm tired of creeping around like a shitty burglar in my own damn house." Billy pushed Charlie's legs out of the way and flopped down on the couch, propping his own feet on the coffee table. He stared straight ahead while Charlie threw daggers at him with his eyes.

"Get over it, Swan. There's a party on the beach in one hour. You're going."

Charlie glared some more, pissed off, hungover and tired. He'd been a cop for all of three months and although he was used to being up late with his friends, it hadn't done anything to prepare him for working until six in the morning. Graveyard shift was a killer for a rookie in Forks' small police department. Sleep deprivation was making his life a living hell. His own bed sounded damn good after a night on the couch.

Billy knew exactly what he was thinking though and pulled out the biggest guilt card in his arsenal. "You'll disappoint Sarah if you don't come. She misses you."

He watched Charlie's face soften. _No way he'll let her down_. Billy never questioned the odd bond that Charlie had with his fiancé. They were close friends. Closer somehow than even the two men were, but it was only platonic. Everyone loved Sarah's sweet nature. They all knew each other from living on the reservation. She adored all of his friends, but somehow with Charlie it was different.

Sarah took care of him in many ways. She never failed to bake the things he liked or take requests for supper from him... something she didn't do for Quil or even Harry. Often times she and Charlie would stay up late talking long after Billy gave up and went to bed. When he asked her why she was nicer to Charlie than Quil or Harry, she shrugged her shoulders. _"_Charlie's special."

It was a low blow and Charlie knew it. _Asshole_, he thought. _Knows I never refuse Sarah anything_. "Ok."

Billy threw him a sidelong glance. "Good. Maybe you'll find a girl so you can quit pawing after mine." Charlie rolled his eyes and Billy shoved him off the couch. "Go take a shower. You reek like dead fish and beer."

An hour later they walked up to First beach. Charlie had to smile when he watched Sarah take a flying leap at Billy. He caught her in his arms, kissing her like it was their first and last time together.

_They really love each other_. At the same time the thought crossed his mind, a stab of jealousy pricked at his heart. _ I want that. _

Charlie watched Sarah slide down Billy's chest. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, "Hey Charlie." She stood on her tiptoes waiting for him to pick her up into a hug. He squeezed her tight when she pressed a small kiss on his cheek. "How's my best girl?"

Sarah flashed him a brilliant smile. "I'm good." She stood between the two men and looping her arms between theirs, set off for the party. "There's some people I invited to join us." She glanced up at Charlie, a sly grin on her pretty face. "Bunch of girls making their way up the coast. I told them there would be some cute guys around."

They made their way over to the group that had already gathered on the beach. Charlie couldn't help but smile when he saw Quil and Harry falling over their own feet trying to impress the newcomers. There were three women, all in their early twenties, laughing and clearly egging them on while they flexed and showed off their over inflated ego's.

Two of the women faced the trio as they approached. Beautiful, obviously happy enjoying the sand and surf. But when the third woman turned, Charlie stopped dead in his tracks unable to move. It hit him like a ton of bricks the second he saw her. He didn't know her name, but there was no one else in the world he wanted more. Dark brown locks of hair swirled around her face in the ocean breeze. Delicate skin, soft and kissed by the warm summer sun. Her eyes sparkled and glowed with an appetite for life completely unknown to him.

Sarah caught the look on Charlie's face and dragged him forward to introduce him to the three women. He knelt down on the sand before Sarah had a chance to say a word and held out his hand to the girl. "Charlie."

Her pink lips parted and the sound that followed was one he wanted to hear every day for the rest of his life. "Hi Charlie, I'm Renee."

It was only a second, no more than a fleeting moment, but Charles Swan knew there was no other woman who walked the earth that he would love more than her. Call it fate or destiny, the thunderbolt or twitterpation. Charlie was in love with this small woman he had just met, but instinctively knew. He wondered if it was possible she felt the same way.

Sarah studied the two of them that night. She'd met the girls the evening before and a small part of her was envious of them traveling like gypsies up and down the coast. Something had told her that Charlie and Renee were meant for each other. Renee seemed to have a zeal for life. One that would complement the serious nature the Swans had instilled in their son.

Sarah knew that Charlie's parents loved him and in their own way, wished nothing more than happiness for their boy. There was love in their household, but not the kind that wrapped a child in a coat of happiness, or spoke of laughter and simple joys. Instead it was the kind that made sure beds were made, grades were good and well-mannered children were seen, not heard.

Sarah knew the struggle within her friend. Charlie shared it all with her, opening his heart and mind to her so many times. They understood each other and with that came trust. She alone knew why Charlie spent so much time on the reservation as a child. How often he wished that William Black was his father and Judy Black his mother. He longed for brothers and a sense of family . With the Blacks, Quil and Harry, he had found just that.

_Yes_, she thought, _Renee could be good for him_. Perhaps the way she so freely expressed herself would fill the desires of his heart and maybe his serious nature could tame her wild soul.

The boys were in fine form that night, drinking and posturing like the kids they really were. Charlie raised an eyebrow when Quil brought out a joint, looking the other way when the guys started passing it around.

"S'up Officer? You give it up for good?" laughed Quil, taking another drag off the nearly spent roach.

Charlie rolled his eyes and shook his head at his old friend. "Fuck off, Quil. You know I can't smoke that shit anymore."

Renee's eyes went wide. "You're a cop?"

Charlie looked down at her a little red-faced, worried that his job might be a little off putting. Sure, he was a cop. He'd wanted to be one for as long as he could remember, but it didn't mean he was going to stop his friends from having fun. As long as he wasn't on duty, and they didn't do something stupid, he could live with turning a blind eye to a few things. Besides, he was no choir boy himself. _God, please don't freak out_, he thought.

Sarah laughed, pointing her finger at Quil. "Just because Charlie's the only one out of you bunch of yahoo's to be an adult and do something with his life doesn't mean you get to give him shit." She looked over at Renee and smiled. "Charlie just graduated from the Police Academy and got hired on in Forks." She swept her hand gesturing at their friends. "These idiots can't seem to quit giving him grief."

Charlie shot Sarah a look of sheer gratefulness, mouthing the words _Thank You_, before turning his attention back to the beautiful woman sitting beside him.

"I've been a cop for all of three months", he explained, pleading with his eyes for her to not be afraid of him. He shrugged his shoulders and went on, trying to sound nonchalant. "It's no big deal."

Renee laid her small hand on his knee in a reassuring gesture. There was just something about this man. "It is a big deal. I think it's admirable that you're doing something so selfless. Not many people get that, but I do. It's nice to think you're out there when the world is sleeping, keeping it safe from harm."

Charlie sighed in relief. _I'll always keep you safe_. _Just let me_.

The rest of the night passed in the laughter of friends, new and old. Several other men had noticed the beautiful women and crashed the party. Charlie watched Renee flirt and giggle at them, trying desperately to look as if he didn't care. Internally, he was taking names. Counting up the ways he could ticket or arrest every single one of them. Half of him was tempted to grab the other joint he was sure Quil had in his back pocket and get so stoned that he wouldn't care anymore.

Billy caught his eye a few times, looking at him with sympathy. He knew all too well what it was like to watch other men flirt with your girl. Hell, he'd been in a few fights just to make sure everyone understood that Sarah was off the market for good. But Billy knew Charlie Swan. He was damn sure that when summer ended, his buddy would be the one still standing. There was no doubt in his mind whatsoever. Charlie was a stubborn man and when he decided he was going to do something, he'd move heaven and earth to make it happen. Problem was, Renee was only passing through. In that second, Billy decided to do everything he could to help Charlie make her stay.

So when Renee announced that she wanted to take a walk, before anyone could make a move, Billy interceded. "Hey, Charlie! Why don't you show her Second Beach?" All eyes turned on them and Sarah was smiling wide with glee.

Charlie had been to Second Beach before, but only with an invitation. It was closed to everyone but the tribe. The last time he checked, he wasn't Quileute. "You sure, man?" he questioned. Billy just tossed him a lighter and nodded his head. "Yeah, you got my permission if anyone asks."

He grabbed Renee's hand, anxious as hell to get her way from the other assholes. In the back of his mind he realized that he would owe Billy one hell of a favor someday. "Have fun you two!" called Sarah. For the first time ever, Charlie Swan ignored her, too occupied by the thousand thoughts racing through his head and the tiny hand wrapped securely in his own.

Renee was entranced by Second Beach. She'd slipped off her shoes to play in the foamy surf while Charlie gathered some driftwood for a fire. He couldn't help but watch her. The way she moved so gracefully, giggling at the way the waves tickled her slender legs and the wet sand squished between her toes. Bathed in the moonlight, Charlie thought he had never seen something quite so lovely as the small woman beckoning to him. "Charlie! Come out here with me!"

He toed off his shoes and rolled up the legs of his jeans before sprinting to the shore where Renee waited. She ran down the beach daring him to give chase. Charlie caught her but lost his balance. Both of them backward into the waves, a hopeless tangle of arms and legs. Her laughter was sweet music to his ears. The two played like children splashing and dancing around each other in the cold waters of the Pacific.

Finally tired and cold to the bone, he held out a hand for Renee to pull her back up to her feet. A hard wave crashed against her legs before she could gain her footing, sending her into Charlie's arms.

His heart soared at the feeling of having her so close to his body. _Please God, let me hold her like this forever._ He held a steadying hand against her back, and with the other placing his fingers under her chin, tilted her pretty face to look at him. "Are you ok?" he asked, searching her eyes for something more. She shivered under his touch. Charlie wasn't sure if it was him or the freezing water that made her tremble. "Come on, lets go by the fire and get dried off."

Their clothes were heavy with water and when they reached the fire Charlie quickly stripped off his shirt. "It'll dry fast, then you'll have something warm to put on," he explained. She nodded her head in comprehension and then sat down in the sand, patting the spot next to her in invitation.

"So, how come Billy gave you permission to come here?" she asked.

Charlie stared at the green-blue flames of the fire. "This is Second Beach. It's not open to the public. You have to be a member of the tribe or have special permission from the Chief to be here."

Renee looked at him in shock. "Billy's the Chief?"

Charlie shook his head and smiled. "No, but he will be one day. Most people around here already treat him like one. Technically they don't follow a Chief anymore, they have a tribal council, but it still means something to most of the tribe."

Renee looked toward the fire marvelling at her trip already. She'd met the future Chief of the Quileute people. She felt a bit humbled by that fact and started thinking of Billy Black in her mind. He was regal. Strong. Raven hair, dark eyes and long legs. When he strode onto the beach there was a sense of purpose about him, an air of authority that radiated from the core of his being. Now that she thought about it, everyone had naturally gravitated towards him. "He carries himself like a leader," she remarked.

She peered up at Charlie from under thick lashes, causing his heart to race. "How did you meet him?" Her brow furrowed in confusion. "You don't exactly fit in here. Obviously the two of you are close."

He smiled at her curiosity and thought back to that day when he first met Billy Black. The story tumbled out. Renee listened with rapt attention, laughing in all the right places, gasping at the meanness of childhood bullies. Charlie swore he saw tears form in her eyes when he explained their blood brothers pact.

"So that's why you're a cop!" She giggled, bumping her shoulder against his, sending Charlie straight into seventh heaven. "You wanted to be a Chief like your little friend."

Charlie grinned, having never thought of it that way before. "Yeah, I suppose that was part of it." He noticed her shivering again. "Are you cold? The night air here and the breeze off the ocean can make it pretty chilly." Charlie reached for his shirt. "Here, this is dry now. It's not much, but it's better than your wet clothes."

He stood, intending to walk away a few feet in order to give her some privacy. Before getting far, a small hand touched his arm lightly, sending goosebumps up his spine. Charlie turned and looked down at Renee. She was so demure, her voice soft when she spoke. "Thank you. I don't know what it is, but I feel comfortable around you, almost like I know you," she confessed.

His heart melted. There in that moment, there was only the two of them. Without thought, Charlie laid his hand over her cheek and stared intently into her eyes. Renee leaned into his touch, reaching her own hand to cover his, as if she were afraid he'd let go and the moment would be gone. "I feel the same way."

He longed to kiss her, to taste her lips and feel their softness upon his own. _ I love you, I love you, I love you. _Desperately he leaned in, covering her mouth with his own lest he actually speak all that was in his heart.

In that second, a thousand images flowed through his mind. Renee consumed him. He could see their lives intertwining, their path spanning before him like an open road of possibility. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her, nothing he would deny her, if she would not deny him. Charlie pulled her close to his chest, continuing to kiss her with everything he possessed. He tried to show her, make her feel the way he did by pouring out his love and affection without saying a word, but again in his mind, the phrase repeated on loop.

_I love you_.

The kiss ended gently, with Charlie pressing his lips to hers lightly. Once, twice, three times before pulling back enough to see her eyes flutter open slowly. They stared into each others eyes, seeking and trying to make sense of the truth in their hearts. It was she who pulled him close again, wanting to feel it all in the moment. The excitement, the joy, the love and connection. Lost in each other, alone and defenseless to the pull of their hearts.

That night, for the first time in his life, Charlie understood what it meant to make love to a woman. He reveled in the feel of her silky skin against his, the softness of her body, the curve of her hips and the way she fit so perfectly in his arms. It didn't matter that they came from two different worlds or that there were miles of distance between them. He wanted this with her for the rest of their lives.

Two weeks passed by in a flash.

Charlie spent every free minute he had with Renee. Sleep had become of little importance. Her gentle touch more refreshing than slumber, her words manna for his hungry soul. Often they'd join Sarah and Billy for supper, the girls talking long into the night while he and Billy admired them silently. Charlie tried to show Renee through simple gestures how much she meant to him. Bringing her wildflowers instead of roses, showing her the hidden beauty in the Olympic forest. He'd even brought her home to meet his parents. Although he didn't tell her so, it was the first time he'd ever brought a woman home and introduced her to his family.

Renee had forced out a part of Charlie that he didn't realize was dormant. Boyhood had fallen away. In its place rose a man, strong and decisive, warm and gentle.

None of this was lost on Renee. She liked Charlie's kind, studious nature. It was soothing balm to an aching heart left devoid of stability for so many years. She longed to stay with him, but it went against her rebellious nature. Love had come into her life with little regard to choice or circumstance. She feared it more than anything ever before in her life, yet wanted it all the same.

On their last night together, they found themselves again at Second Beach. Swimming naked in the surf, making love on the sand and talking like the oldest of friends under the stars. In two short weeks they learned all of each other's secrets.

All but the most important one.

Charlie lay with Renee beneath the moonlight, admiring the glow of her skin against the flickering flames of the warm fire. He held her close, wanting to keep her by his side always. "Don't go tomorrow," he whispered. The time had finally come to lay his heart bare before her and beg if need be. Telling anyone the innermost secrets of his heart wasn't easy, but with Renee it was impossible not to.

Renee clung to Charlie, struggling to find the words to make him understand that no matter how she felt, it wasn't enough. She couldn't stay. She wasn't ready for this yet. "_You have to let me go._" Tears fell like soft rain down her cheeks as she broke her own heart along with his. She pleaded with him, her own soul shattering into a million pieces at the same time.

"I can't. Renee, look at me," he begged.

She wiped her tears and turned her face to his, only to see that Charlie was resolute and much stronger than she. "I love you," he stated. "I don't want to lose you. This thing between us, it doesn't just happen, you know. We got lucky. We're probably going to have to work hard at it, but it's worth it Renee." He laughed a little. "You're stubborn and opinionated, but you're so free and generous. You bring out the best in me. You make me want to be the kind of man you need, the kind of man you want. Stay. Let me be all of those things for you. I love you, Renee. You belong here. In this place. With Sarah and Billy and even Quil and Harry. You belong here with me."

She sighed in frustration. This man could see into her very soul, yet she denied him still, too afraid to tell him all that was hidden in her heart. Renee's face was pained, her voice cracked when she turned away from him. "Please, don't ask me to do this, Charlie. Please. I want to, but I just can't."

His strong arms enveloped her from behind, refusing to give up so easily. "Sshhh... don't cry, sweetheart. It's ok." Inside Charlie was dying, struggling to find some kind of middle ground with her. Divine inspiration struck. _I'll let her go_, he thought, _and pray to God she comes back to me_. "Renee, leave tomorrow." He turned her around to face him, pleading with her once more. "Leave tomorrow, but come see me on your way back. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here waiting for you."

Renee's heart broke a little more. Already she was missing the man who held her so tenderly in his arms. Yet, the relief poured through her. Fear of being caged in when she'd finally gotten out from under her own Mother weighed heavily on her mind. If one day she hurt Charlie she knew she'd never be able to forgive herself.

"Thank You," she whispered, vowing to stop on their return trip.

They talked long into the night rising early to watch the sun rising over the great trees in the East. Charlie walked her to the cabin where she and her friends had been staying, reluctant to let her go. He kissed her goodbye, whispering against her lips. "Come back to me, Renee. Come back."

That had been over a month ago. When the rain gave way to sun Charlie realized he needed to leave before anyone found him on the beach. The last last thing he needed was for his friends to find him. _Quil would probably call me a pansy ass._

Driving down the winding road, he found himself driving past the small rented cabin, knowing that there was no one home. He knew that she loved him. That what they felt was real and that made it hurt all the more. Charlie knew she was gone forever, making him feel foolish, used and alone.

Finally making his way home, he tried to understand what had happened. Why she had broken her promise to see him on the return trip home. Sighing, he walked over to the mailbox, praying that there would be bills to pay, anything to distract him for a few minutes. Yanking the letters out of the box, a small white card fluttered to the ground.

Bending down, he picked up the scrap and turned it over. Charlie fell to his knees once more when he realized who it was from.

_Dear Charlie,_

_The girls and I are on our way back down the coast. We'll be in La Push on October 14th. Meet me at First Beach? I'll be there at sunset._

_I miss you, Charlie. _

_xoxo - Renee_

His heart leapt in the certain knowledge that she was coming back to him. In that moment, Charlie Swan made up his mind and started forming a plan. He'd tell Renee that he still loved her. Then he'd make her admit she loved him.

Then he would marry her.


	4. Chapter 4: You're My Angel

_**Beta'd by Shadowlynx**_

_**Song: Angel, by Aerosmith**_

September 1987

Tortured screams cut through the silent night air like a knife. Charlie raced toward to the small white house, only to be pulled back once more by Quil and Harry. "Let go of me, you fuckers! I'll throw your fucking asses in jail for assault on an officer."

Billy Black towered over him, arms crossed over his chest, looking massive and imposing. "Like hell you will, Chuckie."

Another agonizing shriek reverberated from inside the small house. Charlie bucked against his friends, darting forward like a wild animal but they held him back. "Fucking let me go! She sounds like she's dying in there!"

"NO!" Billy pushed against his chest causing him to stumble backwards. "Let me tell you something, Swan. If I let you in there," he said, jerking a thumb towards the house, "those women are gonna kick my ass later. I make it a point to never piss off my wife. So you're gonna sit your ugly butt down and get a grip on yourself before I clock you so hard that you won't be able to get back up."

Charlie glared at his old friend knowing it wasn't an idle threat. Given the chance, Billy Black could pound him so far into the ground they'd have to use a shovel to dig him out. _Prick_. It had already been a night from hell.

"If anything happens to her-"

"Easy Charlie." Harry's calm voice was low and reassuring. "Renee's gonna be fine. Sue knows what she's doing. She's a good Nurse. If she wasn't, you wouldn't have dragged your wife dragged all the way out here tonight. Those women aren't gonna let anything happen to her. If Sue needs you, Sarah will come get you. Just leave them be for now."

Charlie slumped to the ground defeated, burying his face in his blood-stained hands. "She's my life. My whole fucking life. She was in so much pain tonight and nobody would help her." He knew he sounded like a pansy but he could care less. _Renee is everything to me. I don't want to live without her_.

Billy knelt down in front of him and placed a comforting hand on his best friend's shoulder. He knew all too well what the man was going through. A few months back, when Sarah had their twins, he thought she was gonna die.

Giving birth on the Rez wasn't easy. They didn't have a fancy clinic or drugs to numb the pain. Hell, Sue being a nurse was the closest thing they had to a doctor. She'd been trying to open a clinic, but the tribe was too damn poor. There just weren't enough funds to build or equip one. As a direct result the Clearwater house had become a revolving door for stitches, broken bones and women giving birth. It wasn't easy on them. Not with a one year old daughter running around.

"Look, if Harry goes to get an update, will you just sit here and shut up for a little while?" he reasoned.

Charlie glanced up long enough to nod his head and glimpse Harry heading into the house. He wasn't stupid. He knew why Billy was sending Harry inside instead of Quil. Ateara was one big fucker. Between him and Billy if he so much as moved a muscle they'd knock his ass out.

I wish to God I had my nightstick. I'd thump both of these fuckers over the head.

Quil dropped down next to him and bumped his shoulder. "It's gonna be fine, man. You'll see."

Charlie let out a shaky breath, staring at his buddy like he'd grown two heads. _Easy for you to say. It's not your wife having a baby in there_.

Another blood curdling shout echoed through the night making him cringe with fear, forcing Quil to clamp one thick arm down around his shoulders.

Quil appraised the situation. Charlie's nerves were shot. The guy was definitely in need of a distraction. "Black, why don't you go inside and grab us a couple of beers? I think our boy here could use one."

It felt like hours but was only a few minutes before Billy came back, six pack in tow. The three sat on the cold hard ground, each of them with a beer cracked. Charlie had all but shotgunned through his first one desperately hoping the alcohol would steady his frazzled nerves. Billy passed him another one, waiting patiently for his buddy to tell them what in the hell happened tonight that he and Renee ended up on Sue's doorstep. Something had gone wrong. Really wrong. _Renee was supposed to have the baby in the hospital, not on some poverty stricken piece of dirt in the middle of the fuckin' forest._

Three beers later Charlie finally opened his mouth. The events of the night came tumbling out in a rush. Renee's cries of pain echoed in the background, a horrifying soundtrack to the story he told. Charlie was white as a ghost, his voice dull and disconnected while he relayed everything that went wrong to his friends. Every so often he'd twitch as if he was going to jump up and go to Renee. They listened to his tale, all the while waiting for a new life to be born.

Charlie Swan had finally fallen asleep. It seemed that for the time being nobody needed him. A rarity these days. Renee lay snoring softly beside him, the police station was quiet and he could finally rest. That hadn't happened much in the last month.

Three AM cravings for ice cream, peanuts and hot sauce had become routine right along with the constant bickering between the two of them. Tonight he'd gotten lucky. His wife had passed out early for once. He'd be able to cram in a solid five hours of sleep before making a run to the one and only 24 hour convenience store in the area, located not so conveniently, a solid twenty minutes away.

Charlie's eyes closed as soon as his head hit the pillow. Not long after he was abruptly pulled from sleep by a screaming Renee, who was sitting straight up in bed, clutching her swollen belly.

"Charlie! Get up! It's time!"

Charlie bolted from the bed. He was ready for this. _Thank God I fell asleep in my clothes_. The cop in him had mentally run through a dozen scenarios in preparation, but nothing prepared him for the look of distress shadowing his wife's face.

"Baby, are you ok?" Oh God, please be ok. Renee was whiter than a sheet, a repeated ripping sensation in her abdomen causing her double over.

"Just get me to the hospital Charlie. It hurts. It really fucking hurts."

All but shoving Renee into the squad car he quickly peeled out of the driveway, sirens blaring, driving like the stretch of highway to the hospital was his own personal Indy 500 track. Charlie kept throwing nervous glances in his rearview mirror at his wife who lay moaning and cussing like a sailor in the back seat. _Dear God, don't let her have the baby in the car._

Jumping the curb, he parked half hazardly in front of the Emergency Room much to the annoyance of the hired rent-a-cop guarding the door. "Hey, Officer, you can't park there! This is a fire-"

Charlie threw his keys at the pimply faced asshole. "Yeah, so call the police!"

"Sir, you can't-"

He strode over angrily to the security officer, grabbing him by the shirt with both hands. "Listen little boy, I damn well can and am. I am the law around here in case the fucking sirens didn't give it away. That woman over there? She's my wife! She's having a baby and she needs a doctor. Move the fucking car yourself, then bring me my fucking keys."

Charlie released him with a look of sheer disgust. _Little punk. I oughta throw his scrawny ass in the clink right now_. He tossed a strong arm around Renee trying to support her weak and bloated body as they made their way slowly from the vehicle to the hospital entrance. Charlie spared one more backward glance towards the prick. "Don't even think about taking it for a joy ride either you little wanna-be cop. I'll toss your sorry butt in the city lock-up faster than you can blink an eye."

Once inside, Charlie began calling out for a doctor. Heavy contractions were tearing through his wife's belly again, scaring the ever-loving shit out of him. It didn't take long for a few RN's to get Renee situated in a room and start checking her over. One matronly old nurse that had been there since he was a kid tried to bully him into leaving so she could give Renee what she called an initial exam in privacy.

"No." He flat out refused, much to the old bird's annoyance.

"Mr. Swan, I really think that-"

"No. I'm not leaving my wife." She shot him a disdainful look. _Old fool_. He matched her glare refusing to back down. The grip that Renee had on his hand was enough to let him know he was doing the right thing. This wasn't the 1950's anymore when men sat in the waiting room smoking cigars and congratulating each other on the size of their dicks. He wasn't going anywhere. _No way in hell. Not in this lifetime._

The old biddy went about the business of checking Renee over, reminding her every time the contractions came that she wasn't the first woman to have a baby and that it would likely be awhile since her water hadn't even broke yet. _Nurse Ratchet. Probably never pushed out a baby herself_. Charlie stared in disgust while the woman prattled on about how they shouldn't have even come in to the hospital yet.

_What the hell?_ thought Charlie. _She's in labor and she's in pain you old bitch!_ "Look, I understand you've helped deliver babies before but -"

Nurse Ratchet cut him off. "I've delivered babies Mr. Swan. Several, in fact. You wife is not ready to have this child yet. I suggest you calm down."

"Charlie..." Renee groaned next to him, trying desperately not to cry out again.

She squeezed his hand so hard he thought his fingers would break under the pressure. His wife was usually a pretty tough girl, but this- he knew in his gut something was really wrong. Charlie Swan stared down the nurse shooting daggers with his eyes.

"I want a doctor to check her over," he demanded. "This isn't right. She's in a helluva lot of pain."

"Mr. Swan, you need to respect my medical expertise. Your wife is not ready to be seen by the doctor yet. When things get a bit further along, one will check on her. Until then you will have to wait and trust my judgement."

Seething with anger, Charlie stood up and started unhooking the wires attached to Renee. He brushed a hand over his wife's sweaty forehead. Renee was pale, her face pinched and afraid. She looked positively helpless.

"It's ok, sweetheart. I'm gonna take you to see Sue." She nodded weakly at him, all the confirmation Charlie needed to know he was doing the right thing. Something was very wrong indeed. They both knew it even if Nurse Ratchet didn't believe them.

"Mr. Swan! Stop! What do you think you are doing? That's hospital equipment and your wife needs -"

Charlie whirled around seething with anger. "It's Officer Swan and you know it! You start showing me and my wife some goddamn respect!" He ripped off the last cord and gently lifted Renee into his arms, cradling her close to his chest. "We're leaving. You can explain to the damn hospital why." He headed for the door but stopped short, tossing one last threat over his shoulder. "By the way, Dick Crantz is one of my fishing buddies. You be sure to let him know I'll see him on Saturday."

Nurse Ratchet looked as if she'd seen a ghost. _Good_. Dick wasn't just an old friend. The man sat on the Forks Hospital Board of Directors. _He's damn well gonna get a call from me. Between that little shithead outside and this bitch, heads are gonna roll._

Charlie rushed Renee out of the hospital without so much as a backward glance. He would take her to the one place he always felt safe. The one place on this Earth where he knew there were people who loved them and would take care of her. He'd take her to LaPush.

Shouting at the guard before the doors were even fully open he was glad to see the little shithead rent-a-cop jump into action. The kid hadn't moved the car far, only to the other side of the loading zone.

"Get the door open!" he ordered. Laying Renee down across the backseat Charlie continued to bark orders. "Now get your ass inside and call the Clearwater residence in LaPush. They're listed. Tell them Officer Swan is coming and his wife is having the baby."

Charlie moved fast, sliding into the driver's seat, throwing on the lights and sirens again. It was a forty-minute drive to the reservation, but he intended on getting there in twenty. In his peripheral he saw the pimply-faced shit race inside the building to make the call. _Might be some hope for him after all_.

With grim faced determination he pushed the pedal to the floor. The squad was fast, but Charlie would have given anything to be driving Ruby right about now. Renee was moaning in the backseat, crying from the pain every few minutes. Then, all of a sudden, _silence_. Glancing in the rearview mirror he saw why. Slamming on the brakes, he skidded to a stop on the side of the road. Gravel flew everywhere. A rock hit the windshield sounding like a shotgun going off, shattering the glass into a myriad of cracks and webs.

Charlie flipped on the interior lights to the car. Renee's water had broken... and it was red. She looked at him with real fear in her eyes. "Oh shit!" he breathed.

"Charlie, you need to get me to Sue right now!" Another contraction hit, the spasm sending a gush of bloody fluid streaming down her legs. Renee cried out in agony. "Something is wrong, Charlie! Drive!"

He pushed the car as fast as humanly possible, navigating the winding road that cut through the Olympic Forest. A silent prayer repeated on a loop in his mind. _Please God, let her be alright. Let our child be alright. Please God, don't let me lose them_. Fear stabbed his heart. All of the petty fights they'd had lately, the stupid things they'd said in the heat of the moment, things they'd left unsaid between them- none of it mattered now. The only thing that was important was keeping her safe, keeping her alive. After that, things would get better.

They had to.

Charlie breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the Clearwater's house lit up like a Christmas tree. They were expecting them. The pimply face of the rent-a-cop flashed through his mind. _I'll have to thank that snot-nosed punk for doing something right_.

Harry, Quil and Billy were outside waiting for them. Billy wrenched open his door before he even had the car parked, while Harry and Quil were each yanking on the back doors trying to get them open. "Charlie, what's going on? Harry got a call from some little kid who sounded scared to death, letting him know you two were on your way out here."

"Tell you later. Help me get her inside." Charlie looked down at his wife who lay prone on the backseat. "Can you walk, sweetheart?" Renee shook her head feebly. Labor was exhausting her fast. Charlie barked orders at his friends. "Harry, go hold open the door. Quil, get your arms under her shoulders. Billy grab her legs."

Carefully, they eased Renee out of the car, Charlie putting his hands under her backside while they carried her. Another contraction hit soaking his arms and shirt with blood.

Sue Clearwater and Sarah Black were waiting. A sense of relief flooded through Charlie the second he saw them. If there was anyone in the world he trusted to watch over his wife, it was those two women.

Gently, the men laid Renee down on the readied bed. Sarah shooed them all out the door, but Charlie flat out refused.

"It's alright Sarah," said Sue. She turned to Charlie. "You can stay while I check her over. Tell me what happened tonight."

While Charlie Swan recounted the events of the past two hours, Sue calmly went about the business of checking out Renee with what could only be described as extreme efficiency. Sarah stayed at the top of the bed, wiping her friend's sweaty brow, holding her hand and pressing ice to her dry lips.

Sue finished the exam, then expertly put her hands over Renee's stomach, eyes tightly closed, allowing her fingers to feel and see for her. Finished, she looked at Charlie and then at Renee. "Well, that crabby old bitch was wrong. She ought to be horsewhipped for not sending in a doctor right away. The baby is breech. I won't lie to either of you. This isn't a hospital. I don't have the drugs you need, but Sarah fixed a tea that should help with the pain. Charlie, I know you want to be in here with Renee, but I need you to go wait it out with the boys."

He fixed a glare on Sue Clearwater that would have scared the piss out of almost anyone. Anyone except the two women in the room who were staring right back at him. Sarah marched over and put her hands on his shoulders. "You heard her, Charlie. Out!"

"But-"

Sarah looked at him without an ounce of sympathy. This was no time for a grown man to have a temper tantrum like a little boy. "Charlie, you know I love you, but Sue is right. You're going to have to trust her. Get your butt outside and don't let me catch you coming back in until we send for you. Do you understand me?"

That had been over an hour ago. Renee's cries had only gotten worse and closer together. Charlie looked down at his hands, still covered in her blood and repeated the silent prayer in his head once more. _Please God, let her be ok_.

Harry finally emerged from the house with an update. "Don't worry, Charlie, everything's fine. It's almost over. You're gonna be a Dad any minute now."

No sooner than the words had left his mouth, Renee let out one last blood-curdling scream. Then they all heard heard the wailing cry of a new life entering the world. Baby Swan had just taken its first breath.

His friends didn't even try to restrain him this time when he leapt to his feet and ran for the house.

Opening the door to the room that served as Sue's clinic, Charlie froze in his tracks. There before him was the most astonishing thing he'd ever seen. His wife lay on the bed, hair a tangled mess, sweaty and pale, gazing adoringly down at the little pink bundle cradled lovingly against her chest. She had never looked more beautiful.

Sue was washing her hands in the little attached bathroom while Sarah removed blood stained sheets and tidied up the room. Her eyes twinkled with joy when they met his. "Congratulations Daddy, it's a girl!"

"A girl," he whispered. _I have a daughter_.

Charlie crept towards the bed. Bending low, he softly kissed his wife. Then for the first time, he looked upon the face of his baby girl. She was perfect. Milk white skin set off rosy pink lips that lips yawned widely, as if she tired by the exertion of just being born. With amazement he saw the tiny brown curls that already covered her tiny head like a halo. She was beautiful, utterly precious, an angel sent from God above.

"Bella," whispered Renee. "Isabella Marie Swan. It fits her."

Sarah Black watched with tear-filled eyes as the little scene unfolded before her. It was a miracle that Mother and Daughter had both survived. The women swore to never tell Charlie just how close they'd come to losing a life tonight. Sarah Black prayed that the troubles between the young couple were behind them now. It was no secret that Charlie loved Renee more than his own life. Perhaps more than Renee loved him. Right now, he was looking at the two as if they were his entire world.

Suddenly she felt like an intruder. "We'll give you three a few minutes."

Charlie tore his gaze away from his new daughter to look up at the women who had brought her into the world. "Thank you." It was a simple statement, but they seemed to understand the gravity of the words.

It wasn't just because Sue had done her job as a nurse, or Sarah holding Renee's hand through the whole ordeal. Their friendship, born of love and mutual respect meant more to him than anything in the world. In that second, Charlie Swan swore he'd do everything he could to make sure that Sue got the funding she needed to open a real medical clinic on the reservation. He'd call every single person he knew, starting with Dick Crantz. Sue had been there when he needed her and Charlie knew in his heart that she always would be.

The girls only nodded their heads, murmuring a few more congratulatory remarks on their way out the door.

Charlie turned his full attention back to his wife. He pressed his lips softly to hers. "I love you, Renee." His voice cracked with emotion. "I was so scared, sweetheart. I thought..." he paused for a moment, taking comfort in the fact that she was still there. That he hadn't lost her. That they had a new daughter to love for the rest of their lives. He'd find a way to make her happy. "You were so brave. I'm proud of you."

Renee placed her small hand on his cheek, looking into the eyes of her husband trying to soothe his tired soul. "It's alright, Charlie. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." Things had been so bad between them lately. Maybe, just maybe this little girl could right all the wrongs between the two of them. She smiled brightly. "Would you like to hold your daughter?"

Carefully she placed the sleepy little bundle into his arms. Charlie beamed with pride like only a new father can. Renee watched him walk around the room, the tough cop transforming before her very eyes under the spell of his infant daughter. It was clear that Isabella Swan already had her daddy wrapped around her little finger.

Long after Renee had given in to exhaustion, Charlie Swan, Forks Police Officer, son, husband and new father stayed awake whispering to the angel cradled in his arms.

"I promise, I'll always be there for you. You'll always know how much I love you, Bella." He swore on his own life that he'd give her all of the love and affection his own childhood lacked.

As the months passed, Renee would often find her husband with their little girl in his arms. When they had finally returned home, they found a new rocking chair in the nursery. Charlie recognized the work immediately. Only his friends knew how to craft something so wonderful and only Billy Black could carve the little trees and birds that adorned the head of it with such intricate detail.

Charlie would spend hours in that rocker, whispering to his infant child, making plans for her future.

Renee stood in the hallway one afternoon, quietly listening to him talk to their daughter. There was so much love in his heart that it made her own cramp with envy. Things hadn't gotten better. Sleepless nights had only increased their arguments. In truth, she used them as an excuse to hide her real feelings.

Each day that she stayed in Forks she felt trapped. Every single drop of rain that fell doubled her moodiness. She needed sunshine on her face and wind in her hair.

Renee wanted to travel to exotic places. To see the world. When she had first come here, everything about the place drew her in. The parties on the beach, the history of LaPush, the lush, vast forest that stretched for miles and miles. It had bewitched her.

Now, nearly a year later she realized it was all an illusion. The sun and heat just a trick, masking the dull, gray rainy weather that pervaded this part of the country. Forks was a small town with small people. She wanted a big life. If only Charlie would come with her.

_If only he wasn't so tied to this place_.

Charlie. He was the light in the darkness she had always searched for. But in the weeks and months following their marriage she had begun to resent their life here. The house, Charlie's job, his obligations to family and community, all of those things were like a shackle tying her down.

Doubt had crept into her mind so many times, making her wonder if they made a mistake in getting married so fast. Starting a family so soon was never something they planned on. More than anything Renee wanted to make Charlie happy. She loved him in ways she had never imagined loving anyone. Then again, sometimes love just isn't enough.

"You know babycakes, you're gonna do just fine in the big, bad world. You've got Daddy and Mommy behind you every step of the way."

"I won't lie to you honey, life isn't always easy. There's always gonna be bumps in the road baby. But, there's nothing you can't do. You can be anything you want to be. No matter how old you get though, I'm always gonna remember you like this. A tiny little angel. My baby girl."

Renee closed her eyes, wishing that life was so simple. She was so afraid that it would be her who caused those bumps in the road. That it would be her own foolish, selfish nature to cause their beautiful little girl sorrow.

_I'm going to hurt him if I stay and I'm going to hurt him if I leave. I love him, but this isn't about me. He deserves more._

"You know baby, your old man is a cop. Any boys come sniffing around here- and I guarantee that they will because you're so pretty, little one; I'm gonna run them all off. Nobody will ever be good enough for my baby girl. Anyone breaks your heart, I know how to hide a body," he promised.

Just then, the most beautiful sound Renee ever heard issued from her infant daughter's lips. Isabella laughed.

"You think I'm funny do you?" teased Charlie. "That's the first time you've laughed baby. I hope that your whole life is filled with laughter."

Bella giggled once more. Even without looking Renee could see the smile on her husband's face. He was so happy. She stared at the wooden floor, counting the cracks that mirrored those on her heart.

"You are so precious," he cooed. "You sound like bells when you laugh. Did you know that? Bells. That's what I'm going to call you. My little baby Bells."

Renee Swan slid down to the floor, her small body shaking with quiet sobs. The walls were closing in on her. It wouldn't be long now. Not long until she tore their family apart.


	5. Chapter 5

Attention Readers!

It has come to my attention that several stories have been pulled from this site today due to mature content. Should that happen to me, my stories, both current, future and original can be located on www. trickyraven. ning. com

Thank You, Dragonfly76 


	6. Chapter 5: The Cricket's Lullaby

Song: Sweet Marie by Hothouse Flowers

March 1990

Angry grey waves rampaged the rocky shoals of Second Beach, the strip of land that used to be their sanctuary. Each grain of sand had marked the measure of devotion Charlie felt for the woman he had loved. Now the jagged cliff face enclosed him like stone cold prison walls, just as surely as the ground beneath his feet cut his flesh to match the wounds on his heart.

In his hands Charlie clutched a crumpled piece of paper, inked with the blood of his soul. She left him with nothing, taking all of his love with her. All that remained was a man destroyed.

Devoid of joy and laughter.

Renee had walked away, taking the light of his life with her. No amount of comfort could ease the ache just as nothing could replace the smile of his precious baby girl.

Charlie wondered what more he could have done. If he could have fought harder, if he could have loved her better, if he would have just agreed to leave Forks with her. In truth, he had given her everything, yet it was still not enough. He recalled the tears that streamed down his little girl's face. Never in his life had he felt so helpless or afraid. _God forgive me_, he prayed. _Someday I hope Bella will too._

His mind wandered back to that cold, cruel day in January. The day hope had the audacity to creep into his heart. Disguised as a miracle, wonderfully packaged in the form of new life. The day that they rejoiced alongside their friends.

The day Jacob Black had come into their world.

"Snow, Daddy!" giggled Bella. "Snow taste cold!"

Charlie Swan smiled at his pretty little girl in her pink snowsuit. Her cheeks were rosy, her nose bright red and her little mitten-covered paws were full of fluffy white. He watched her tiny red tongue dart out to taste and feel the icy flakes, laughing at the repeated surprise on her barely two-year-old face .

Laughter was a rarity in his life lately. He was only twenty-five, yet bore what felt like the weight of the world on his young shoulders. Life hadn't been easy lately. Long hours at the station, born from a promotion and financial necessity, cut into the already limited time he had to spend with his family. In two short years he had become caretaker to his parents, at the same time being plunged into the loneliness of a broken marriage.

Renee seemed to be crippled by some sort of sadness which had only increased after Bella was born. He longed to find some way to pull her out of the grips of depression but didn't know how to reach her. Charlie Swan had never felt so helpless in his life.

All too soon their afternoon adventure in the snow was cut short. The shrill ringing of the kitchen phone echoed through the frosty air. These days, more often than not, Renee would let the machine pick up instead of answering it herself. Whoever the caller was, they weren't going away. As soon as the message kicked in, the rings stopped for 15 seconds, then started right back up again. He hoped and prayed it wasn't his mother, lost and confused, mind trapped in the pitiless world of alzheimers or his father needing help to perform life's simplest tasks. Tasks that used to come with such ease under his powerful hands. It seemed time had turned his body had against him, arthritis leaving the once strong man crippled and weakened to dust.

Charlie sighed heavily, then plastered a fake smile on his face before scooping Bella into his arms. "Come on you little snowman. Time to go inside and warm up."

Bella squealed with childish glee. "Daddy, I no snow_man_!" she admonished. "I a snow_girl_!"

Just like that, sorrow floated from his heavy heart like the softly falling flakes of a cool winters breeze. Rubbing his cold nose against her tiny turned up one, he smiled widely. "When did you get so smart, my little eskimo?"

"Unca Quil say I born that way!" He could only laugh at that one.

Bella and Quil had forged an odd sort of relationship that wavered somewhere between the lines of best friend and big brother. _Wonder how Bells is gonna feel when Joy has that baby?_ he mused. In a few more months his old friend was going to be a father for the first time. He could only imagine what kind of bold child Quil Aterea would raise. There was a forthrightness in him that was both endearing and disturbing rolled into one.

Feeling considerably lighter than he had just moments before, Charlie tossed his darling girl over his shoulders then trudged through the deep snow to see who was calling them.

The phone continued to ring off the hook while Charlie stumbled out of his boots, then pulled a wriggling Bella out of her wet snowsuit. "Keep your pants on!" he shouted, like the caller could actually hear him.

Part of him was aggravated that Renee couldn't be bothered to answer it or come downstairs to take care of her daughter. _Selfish woman_.

He kicked himself at the same time, trying to remember what Sue had told him. That it wasn't really Renee's fault. That her mind was unbalanced. But, he knew his wife. There was a part of her that longed for more than the life they had here. _Fuck, the shouting matches we've had prove it. Hell, Sarah's her best friend, and she's sick and tired of her shit. _It was a testament to how much he really loved her that he hadn't walked out and taken Bella with him.

"Bella, honey, don't step on the puddles baby. You'll get your socks all wet." Charlie was exasperated and the phone was ringing again. He all but took a header into the kitchen table, tripping over a toy police car to get to the damn thing. "I'm coming!" he shouted, trying to reign in his mouth and keep from shouting the word fuck at the top of his lungs. He knew Bella wouldn't repeat it, but she would give him a guilty little lecture.

Finally he grabbed the receiver, disgruntled all but growling at the caller. "Yeah, Hello?"

His agitation faded. A wide grin broke out over Charlie's face, listening to the caller on the other end. Fairly vibrating with excitement he muttered a quick goodbye, grabbed Bella then raced upstairs to find Renee.

Like most days, she was in the their room, laying on top of the covers, eyes wide open but her soul sound asleep to the rest of the breathing world. Her face was wet with tears he longed to wash away. Setting Bella down, he cautiously approached his wife, praying that the good news would pull her out of this slump, if only for a day. "Renee?" Nothing. She didn't even turn her head. "Renee, sweetheart, I just got a call. Sarah had the baby."

Renee turned on her side, her face wearing the first real smile Charlie had seen from her in months. "Boy or girl?"

Charlie Swan felt like a deer caught in the headlights. "You know, I was so damn excited I forgot to ask!" He braced himself for an onslaught of mean-spirited words, digs to remind him of his own stupidity or forgetfulness.

Instead, she held out her hand, beckoning him to join her.

Flopping down next to his wife, he couldn't help but wonder, _What's the catch_? It seemed too good to be true when she burrowed into his side, stretching just enough to press a light kiss on on his cheek. "Bella?" she called. "Bella, go get your boots on baby. Auntie Sarah had her baby. We need to go see it."

He looked down at his wife in shock. "Uh, do I get to come?" It wasn't just a rhetorical question either. The simple fact was that Renee rarely ventured from the house these days, let alone going anywhere with him.

He saw the hurt flash in her eyes and felt suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. _Shit. I ruined it. She was happy and I fucking ruined it. _"Honey, I didn't mean it that way."

Charlie held his breath. Renee closed her eyes and shook her head slightly, as if somehow willing away the cloud of resentment that constantly plagued their marriage. Then, as if by some miracle, her soft eyes fluttered open, drawing him in with all the charm and merriment that had first mesmerized him that day on the beach.

"I wouldn't have it any other way. Give me twenty minutes to get ready, alright?"

She looked so earnest, so happy- he couldn't help but feel hopeful. Impulsively, Charlie leaned down and kissed his wife until she was breathless. It was only a few seconds, but in that one gesture he poured out his heart. Everything unspoken between them, affection, hurt, anger and forgiveness flowed straight from his heart. He held her close, daring to love her the way he longed to for the rest of their lives.

When Charlie finally released her, a small contented smile crept across her lips, as if to say she understood. He searched her eyes for understanding, pleading with his own. _Let me make it up to you. _In them he found an answer. That she too regretted the pain they had inflicted upon each other. That she understood he was only doing what he had to. That Renee loved him still. For now, it was enough.

An hour later found them on the Black's porch with an impatient Bella hammering away on the front door. Laughter floated from inside the red walls of the happy home. It was Quil who threw the door open wide, greeting her with a smile and a stern "Who's making all that racket out here?"

Bella giggled loudly. "I did! Daddy say I have to knock!" she replied in two year old consternation. Knocking was not something they did on the reservation. That was reserved for the Swan house. At Uncle Billy's she was used to racing headlong through the door, usually straight into the waiting arms of Sarah or one of her 'uncles' who indulged her every whim.

"He did?" Quil gathered the little mite into his arms, hugging her tightly. "Well, that's just silly. We're all family here."

"That's what I tell him! Daddy no listen to me! You tell him Unca Quil!" she exclaimed.

Charlie rolled his eyes at the two of them as he casually tossed an arm around his wife. "Well, you gonna invite us in or leave us standing here in the cold?"

Quil glanced at the couple in front of him with interest. The Swan's marital problems were no secret. Anyone with eyes could see there was trouble in paradise. Today though, they seemed different. Happy even. "What do you think munchkin? Should I let Daddy & Mommy inside?" He looked at Bella quite solemnly. "If I don't, you and I can go see the new baby and then eat all of the cookies in the kitchen. They'd never, ever know."

"Arrest him Charlie." Renee's laugh bubbled up like a trickling fountain, warming Charlie to the very depths of his soul. There was no sweeter sound in the world.

"I could get him for Grand Theft Bella," was his sardonic reply. "Or instigating conspiracy to steal cookies. Whatdya think? Wanna risk it Quil?"

His old friend just stepped to the side, welcoming them in with a flourish. Quickly they discarded their coats and boots, anxious to meet the newest Black who had come into the world.

"How's Sarah?" asked Renee.

"She's good. Waiting to see you three." He glanced at Charlie again, confused by the change in Renee. "She and Billy are in their bedroom. Go on in. They're expecting you."

Charlie sensed the questioning in Quil's voice. Gently, he pressed a kiss against Renee's temple, whispering softly to her. "Take Bella. I'll be there in a second." If she wondered about his reasoning for staying behind, she did not ask. Instead she took their excited daughter's hand, leading her down the hallway.

When the door had closed behind them, he turned to his old friend, prepared for an inquisition but instead was met with silence. Charlie shifted uncomfortably on his feet. Talking about his emotions was never easy. Telling one of the guys made it doubly worse. But, by his reckoning, he owed them an explanation. All of them. For months they had watched as outsiders while Charlie and Renee's marriage crumbled to pieces. Seeing them so happy today would be as much of shock to their systems as it was to his own.

"Quil, I... I don't know what to say."

"Charlie, you don't need to say anything. She's your wife. I know how much you love her." Quil held up a hand in gesture to stop him from interrupting. "I won't say I'm not surprised. Just be careful. It's not just you that you have to think about. Bella needs you both. The way I see it, if the two of you can work things out, that's good for her. You just watch yourself."

Charlie Swan exhaled long and hard. Blame wasn't going to get him anywhere and his friends needed to understand that. Charlie was determined, more so than he had ever been in his life. Losing Renee and Bella was not an option. No matter what the price, he would find a way. He lifted his eyes to meet Quil's, resolved, ready to do battle. What he saw made him stop. There was no judgment on his old friend's face, only concern.

Meeting each others eyes, a sort of understanding passed between the two men. Neither said anything, instead allowing the silence to speak volumes for them.

Charlie Swan stood unnoticed in the doorway of the tiny bedroom, taking in the small tableau before him. Sarah Black lay in the bed, her soft raven hair tumbling around her shoulders, eyes alight with the joy of new life. Snuggled in her arms was a tiny baby, downy head, skin warmed by the sun and small red lips which opened and closed in drowsy wonder.

Beside them stood Billy, tall, proud and regal. He looked upon his child and wife with a reverence unseen by watchful eyes before. The small blue bundle held in Sarah's arms was no mere boy.

This baby was the past, present and future of the Quileute People. Deep in the heart of this god-forsaken corner of the world, where men and women had lost all, a child was born. The royal prince of his nation. He would be the pride of his family, of his people. One day he would lead, just as his Grandfathers before him.

Billy raised his head, eyes landing on Charlie. A smile large enough to light the room broke across his face. "Charlie! Meet my son!" In an instant, the magic of the moment was over, but it would remain forever in Charlie Swan's memory.

Over the course of his life it would tickle the back of his mind often, serving as a reminder that he must always stand for what is right, just and good. That he could lead his community by example. Because truly, this was where his heart lay. On this earth, in this room, one with the Quileute.

Bella, anxious and excited, crawled up on the bed to take a closer peek at the small bundle of blue. "What his name Auntie Sawah?"

The soft smile of motherhood graced Sarah's face. Pressing a tender kiss against his forehead, she answered with a whisper. "Jacob. Jacob Ephraim Black."

Little Bella's nose crinkled up in concentration. _Probably trying to figure out how to pronounce that mouthful_, thought Charlie.

"That a silly name. I call him Jake." Bella announced it with authority, daring anyone to challenge her.

It was her own mother who did. "Bella! That's not nice! Jacob Ephraim is a nice name," admonished Renee.

Charlie jumped a little when he heard Quil's loud laugh behind him. "Hell no, it isn't! Bells is just calling it like she sees it. Poor kid. I had to grow up with the same shit. At least his first name is normal." He cuffed Charlie hard on the shoulder. "That's the worst part about growing up here. Getting stuck with our Grandparents names."

He crossed the room in three great strides, coming to stand next to Billy. Charlie's heart cramped with envy. The two men were brothers in a way he was not. He was proud to call them friends. Proud to call them family, yet they were connected by blood and he was not.

With determination Charlie walked over to Sarah, taking the small bundle from her arms, then cradling the tiny baby close to his chest. A dozen promises ran through his mind. This boy would be loved as if he were his own son. Charlie swore to do all he could to shield the child from the harsh realities of the world.

While making his silent vows, a tiny fist popped up, smacking him hard in the jaw. Charlie grinned remembering the first time he ever met Billy Black. _Looks like you'll be able to take care of yourself when the time comes_, he thought. _Just like your father_. He grinned at his friends, hoping that Jacob would be half as lucky to have people in his life just like them.

"Boy is already a fighter, Bill."

"That's because he's a Black," Billy stated, matter-of-factly.

Renee shook with laughter, caught up in the joy of the day. For one brief shining minute, it seemed as if all their troubles had melted away. She reached for the new baby, greedily taking him from her husband's arms, eager to have a turn holding the little mite.

"He's so beautiful, Sarah." Tears welled up in her eyes, darkness looming once more.

Charlie could see it written all over her face. That she wished this happy family were hers, while at the same time he wished she could be satisfied with the life the two of them were creating together. She was like a wild bird, one whose bright feathers could not be caged.

_God let me keep her_, he begged, avoiding once more what he knew to be true. She would one day leave him.

Instead, he chose to let hope bloom in his heart. Today could be different. Today could be the start of something new. Charlie reached for Renee, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close to his side. As if by creating the physical gesture, the mental one would form. His own heart beat faster when she relaxed against him, content and serene. _ I want it to be this way every day. Just let me make you happy, Renee. _

"Auntie Sarah! I want to hold Jake." Bella clambered up on the bed and snuggled down next to the new mother, begging with two-year-old eyes full of winsome charm.

Renee and Sarah gave in to her request, propping pillows just right before finally laying the future of the Quileute tribe into her tiny arms.

Bella smiled at the small boy, studying every detail of his face. Charlie knew he would never forget the moment when something shifted within his little girl. "My Jake," she pronounced, as if the boy was hers, body and soul. Charlie glanced at Sarah, knowing she had seen it too. Perhaps her wise nature understood even more than he at the time. Listening to Bella tell Jacob about the three little bears, he knew.

The two children would forever be connected, their spirits joined for the rest of their lives. Perhaps one day they too would have the kind of friendship he had found with Sarah. He hoped that Renee sensed it. That it would be one more thing to make her realize that this was where she belonged. That her life, her road was meant to travel here.

There would be many trips to the reservation over the next few months. Bella begged on a daily basis to go see "My Jake." She had declared him her best friend, stubbornly choosing the small boy over her Mother and Father. Even Uncle Quil could not dissuade or bribe her with cookies. Jacob Black had quickly become Bella's whole world.

Renee too was taken with the baby. She started to invest more time and energy into Bella, spent more hours at the reservation with Sarah and Joy. Charlie noticed she laughed more easily, that she was quickly becoming the woman he had first met, the girl he fell in love with. A portrait had begun to paint itself. One that showed friendship, love and years of happiness.

So, when Charlie Swan came home from work one sunny afternoon he didn't expect to find his wife waiting for him on the stairsteps, a large manilla envelope in her trembling hands. The empty, dead look in her eyes frightened him. It was as if she'd regressed, that the last two months had never happened.

Charlie's world tilted on its axis and everything seemed to move in slow motion. His feet felt like leaden weights trodding towards her. He already knew what was in the envelope. Opening it would confirm the fear he'd held in his heart since before their daughter was born.

_This can't be happening. I can't let her go. I won't let you go Renee!_

He opened his mouth to speak, but the words would not come. She held out the envelope in offering, begging silently for Charlie to take it. It fell to the floor, spilling out blue and white paper typed neatly with a legal knife, stabbing him right in the heart. A decree of divorce, just waiting for his signature.

Time stood still, but in his despair one thing crossed his mind. The bright shining beacon who lit up his life and was the center of his world. _Bella. Where is Bells? _Renee was on her feet, moving to the door. Charlie whirled around, grabbed her by the arm. "Where the hell is Bells, Renee?"

"She's spending the afternoon with Sarah." Charlie studied her face intently. There was no regret or remorse to be found. "I'll be back for her tomorrow afternoon."

It dawned on him. Renee wasn't just leaving him. She was leaving and taking their daughter with her. _No. NO!_

"Don't do this Renee!" The words came out in an angry shout when he'd meant to beg, to reason with her. _I can fix this. I promise I can fix this!_

"Let me go Charlie! It didn't work out. I hate Forks!"

Three sentences. Eleven words. Five seconds. Two months of lies. Then she was gone. Renee had walked out of his life as swiftly as she'd entered it.

Charlie wanted to break down. He wanted to get angry. He wanted to break things, hit someone, anyone! He wanted to fall to the floor and cry. Instead he ran out to the cruiser, turned on the sirens and drove like a madman to La Push.

Charlie pulled into the Black's driveway, throwing his door open before even putting the car into park. Noticing the startled look on Sarah's face he quickly turned off the sirens, regretting frightening her that way. _I must look like a damn lunatic_. He wanted to run to Sarah, fall to her feet and tell her what had happened. He needed to find Billy, let off some steam, get shity drunk.

Instead Bella bolted through the front door, pigtails flying, giggling and running through the tulip garden to greet him. "Daddy!" She threw herself at him. Charlie snuggled his daughter close, pulling on a mask of happiness so that she would never know how badly he hurt inside. "Daddy! Jake smile today! He smile at me!"

Charlie squeezed the little mite tightly, wondering, _What will Bells do without her Jake?_ Renee had not just destroyed him, but was going to tear apart Bella's entire world. He looked over her shoulder to a questioning Sarah, who nodded her head. "It's true. It was Jacob's first smile and it was for her."

"Let's go inside." Charlie led the way, his heart breaking, unsure how to share the news with his friends, let alone his little girl.

He never once broke down that night. Not even the next day, when he bid a tearful and confused Bella goodbye. He never spoke a word to Renee. He just watched Bella's sad little face in the car, her pudgy little hand pressed against the window begging to go back to her Daddy. When he could no longer see the taillights in the distance, he went into the house and locked the door. There was no fight left in him. He had not only lost the battle, he knew he had lost the war.

Bella would be the worst casualty.

Charlie made his way upstairs, collapsing into their bed. The smell of Renee's perfume still lingered on the pillows. It was the last remaining sign of her presence. Everything she had touched was gone. He buried his face into the pillow, trying to remember what it had been like to hold her close at night, falling asleep to the crickets lullaby while dreaming of a bright future.

It was then that he found the letter. His name on the envelope, written in Renee's neat hand.

_Dear Charlie,_

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the awful things I've said and all the awful things I'm going to have to say in order for you to let me go._

_Please understand. I can't stay. I love you so much but it's just not enough. I know it sounds cliche, but it's not you. It's me, Charlie. You are so good. So kind. Everything about you is exactly what a woman should want. Everything a girl would dream for in a husband. I guess I'm not any girl. I'm too damaged for you. You deserve so much more than what I can give you._

_I know you won't understand, but this is for our own good. If I stay we'll only resent each other in the end. Someday, I may hate myself for this, but I have to leave. I need to spread my wings and fly, Charlie. _

_I will always love you, _

_Renee_

For the second time in two days, Charlie Swan found himself on the road to La Push. He had to get away, to find a refuge.

Second Beach. The place he'd first kissed her, where he'd loved her, made her his own. Now it felt like a prison. There was no more joy to be found there. The grey Washington skies reflected the anguish in his weary soul. After today, he knew he would never come here again. The memories were too painful, they would haunt him forever if he let them.

He never heard her approach him. Soft, capable arms wrapped themselves tightly around his waist. Charlie turned to look upon the face of an angel. Collapsing into the damp sand, he began to cry. Gently, she rested a small hand against his cheek, not once trying to wipe away the river of tears that fell freely from his tired eyes.

Instead, she gazed into them intently, searching for the boy she once knew in the man who knelt beside her. Surely he was there, that small boy, the one who raised his fists to protect his friends, the one who stood for good and right. It was he that would carry Charlie Swan through this dark period in his life.

Gazing back at her, Charlie found compassion, love, understanding and strength beyond measure. No words passed between them. Her friendship had never wavered or diminished with time. She was the rock that his house was built on, secret keeper to his heart, mother, sister, the tree whose branches offered shelter in the wilderness. It was she who lent him strength in his hour of need, marking the first stage to healing his wounded heart.

In Sarah Black's arms he found comfort, certain knowledge that he never was, nor ever would be alone.

She allowed him to weep freely for what was lost that day. When the tears subsided, heartache remained, but resolve grew like wildfire within his soul.

Life would go on. He would begin again. He would place memories of her in a basket and pray that the passage of time would sweeten them once more until no bitterness remained. Until then, he would count the days until he could hold his little girl in his arms once more.

The clouds began to part, giving way to a beautiful sunset painting the sky with warmth.

Charlie rose, pulling Sarah Black to her feet with him. He released her, then waded into the cold Pacific surf alone. She watched as the crumpled letter fell from his hand, washing away with the mighty ocean tide.

When the last brilliant rays of light sank beneath the deep blue sea, Charlie whispered his final goodbye to Renee Swan.

"_I'll never forget you."_


	7. Chapter 6: Into The Mystic

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Song: Into The Mystic, Van Morrison

July, 1993

"Fuck you, Renee!" Charlie seethed with the rage of betrayal and disgust for his ex-wife. "You're a selfish fucking woman, you know that? Quil is dead. I'm asking for a few extra weeks with Bella so that she can go to her uncle's funeral. As usual, all you care about is yourself!"

Slamming the phone down on the hook, he hoped to God that guilt ate at Renee for the rest of her life. Things had been so strained between them ever since the divorce that he wondered how it was that they had even been married at all.

Charlie grabbed a beer out of the fridge then leaned against the door, resting his head on the hard, cool surface. Slumping to the floor, overwhelmed and unable to hold his emotions back, tears of sorrow and anger combined with the strain of work slid mercilessly from his tired eyes.

It felt like life had turned against him in the last few years. First losing his wife and daughter, then his father's death, his mother's broken mind. Quil. In two days time he would bury one of his best friends. It felt like more than he could handle. More than any one person should have to. Silently he cursed God, desperately wondering why his walk through life was so fraught with sorrow.

Never in all his years had Charlie Swan felt so alone. Harry and Billy had their families, women to lean on and love. He had nothing and no one except for a job and an empty house.

Sighing heavily, he realized he'd have to dig out his suit. "Fucking stupid. Quil never wore a suit," he muttered, not sure what he was more pissed off at. His buddy for dying or his wife for leaving him.

"Fuck it." Charlie got to his feet, grabbed his keys and drove down to the local tavern, passing the rest of the night in a drunken stupor, hoping to forget his troubles, if just for a little while.

Waking the next morning to the wailing of the telephone, his head pounded brutally with all the force of a jackhammer. "Shit." He rolled over in bed, the light streaming through the open window burning his eyes. Blindly he reached for the phone, knocking the cradle to the floor in the process. The sound of the crash shooting pain resembling a sharpened dagger straight through the temple. Wincing, he clutched the receiver, holding it an inch away from his ear. "Shit! Shit! Hello?"

"Well, that's a fine way to answer the phone, Charlie," snapped Renee. "I hope you don't talk like that around our daughter."

Groaning and swiping a hand over his face, Charlie wished he could just hang up and yank the cord out of the wall. Instead he settled for internally cursing her out and biting out a response laced heavily with venom. "What do you want? I have things to do today. In case you've forgotten, our friend died. Not that you care about anyone but yourself," he accused. Charlie's mouth felt dryer than the desert, his head hurt and he wasn't up for putting up with his ex-wife's crap this morning.

"I haven't forgotten anything, Charlie. I called because I changed my mind. I have to go out of town, so I'm putting Bella on a plane today. She'll be there at four." Renee dropped the bomb as airily as if announcing she was going out for high tea at the palace of the queen.

Her words sunk in and once again, he was pissed off. "You mean to tell me you're putting our little girl on a plane by herself? Renee, she's only five. What the hell are you thinking?"

"Don't be so dramatic. The airline has promised me she'll be fine. Just be there to pick her up."

The line disconnected into blessed silence. "Bitch," he muttered. Shitty as he was feeling, worried as he may be, Charlie couldn't help but smile. Bella was coming home. His little girl would be wrapped up in his arms before the sun set.

"Is she comin', Chawlie?" Jacob bounced up and down, his chubby little paw clasped firmly in Charlie's hand, watching all the passengers depart the plane.

"Not yet, buddy. They're letting all the other people off first," he explained, glad he'd thought to pick up Jake before heading off to the airport. The little guy was having a ball watching the airplanes take off and land through the giant windows while they waited for Bella. Jacob's cheerful presence was a blessed reprieve from thinking about the impending funeral tomorrow. It was also the least he could do. Sarah had her hands full with the twins and trying to help Joy organize the services.

"That's not fair. Grown-ups get to do everything," pouted Jake, antsy to see his friend. Charlie couldn't help but smile. He remembered feeling the same way when he was a boy.

"Be patient, it'll just be a few more minutes and then I'll take you two out for some ice cream," promised Charlie. In truth, he was just as anxious to see Bella as Jake was. I could kill Renee for putting her on a plane by herself, he thought.

"Can Quil come too? Momma says he's sad. Ice cream makes me feel better when I'm sad."

Charlie's heart wrenched with the raw devastation of pain and loss. "Of course he can. We'll stop and pick him up on the way." Impulsively snatching Jake into a hug, he held the little guy tight, letting him know just how loved he really was.

"Charwlie!" Jacob squirmed, his little body wriggling, trying to get out of his grasp. "Chawlie! Wook!"

Spinning around, he saw his five year old daughter, shy and uncertain walking hand in hand with a flight attendant out of the jetway.

The second Jacob's feet hit the floor he streaked over to Bella, throwing his small body on her, nearly knocking them both over with the force of it.

Righting herself, Bella looked over Jacob's shoulder and giggled at Charlie. "Daddy!" she cried. "Daddy!"

Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. Charlie couldn't believe how much his baby girl had changed in a year. The roundness of infancy was gone. She looked more like a little lady than a little girl. Charlie itched to hold her, to never let her go.

Scooping both kids in his arms, for the first time in a year, all was right in Charlie's world once more. _Bella was home._

The funeral was a somber affair. Nobody could find much to be cheerful about. Quil's life had been cut short way too soon. Charlie struggled to find the words when he stood before the small band of mourners to give the eulogy, unwilling and unable to look at Joy or Quil Jr. for fear he'd come apart at the seams. He was hanging on by a thread these days. It wouldn't take much to tip the scales in favor of a fine white coat.

In the end, he shared a few funny stories, memories of his friend and their escapades, trying to do what Quil would have wanted. Trying to laugh.

"Quil Ateara was my best friend," he stated. "I guess I don't quite know what to say to all of you. I never thought I would have to sum up his life before he was done living it. That's the real problem. He just wasn't done yet. But, I know that wherever he is now, the fishing is good, the cars are fast and he's making the angels laugh."

Charlie stayed behind after everyone else departed, unable, unready to leave just yet. Billy and Sarah had taken the kids back with them to the bbq in Quil's honor. Charlie would join them later. He had to go into the station for a bit and quite frankly, he needed a little time alone.

The minutes ticked by while the warm afternoon sun rose higher in the sky. He didn't know how long he stood there, staring at the simple wooden coffin that held the earthly remains of his friend. It was all that Charlie had left of him, his heart not yet ready to say a final goodbye.

Not far away, men waited to lower Quil into the ground, talking and laughing to pass the time. Death was a common occurrence to them. Just another job to do, one more strip of sod to lay. Feeling a little foolish, Charlie pulled a letter from his pocket and tucked it in with the flowers that lay on top of the casket. Flowers that Quil would have poked sly fun of in life. _'What's the point? Why do you need flowers when you're dead?'_ he'd say. _ 'When my time comes, just toss me in the ground. I'll be pushin' up daisies soon enough.' _

Drawing a deep breath and pulling from the last remaining strength he had left, Charlie closed his eyes, not ready, but knowing it was time to say goodbye. Resting his hands one final time on the smooth grain of the coffin, he whispered his parting words.

"So long, old friend. I'll watch over Quil now," he promised. "Joy too. We all will." Knocking twice on the wood, Charlie sighed heavily and departed, regretfully leaving behind one more person beneath the rich green grass of mother earth.

That afternoon, Charlie watched the kids racing through the yard of the Black house. It seemed like only yesterday that they had all been kids themselves. His mind kept floating backwards to a simpler time, when the only worry he had was what kind of ice cream to buy at the soda shop or when the next serial came out in the movie theater.

Life was different now. He was different now.

Of all the loss Charlie had suffered in the last few years, contemplating a world without Quil in it stung more deeply than all of them combined. Quil Ateara had been an enigma. Larger than life, unfettered by adversity or circumstance, his soul had been a shining beacon more brilliant than the sun. Already their lives were a little less bright without him in it. He knew that not a day would go by when he didn't think of his old friend or feel his loss keenly.

"Quil would have loved this."

Billy settled in beside him, handing him a beer and gesturing to the crowd. "All these people, one big party. Been a while since we had one," he observed.

"Too long," agreed Charlie. "He always loved this kind of thing."

"What's on your mind? You've been quiet all afternoon. Something with Renee again?" Billy frowned, sure that woman was behind Charlie's sullen spell.

"Nope. She didn't even bother to answer the phone when I called her to tell her Bella got here safe." In between the heartache and memories, Charlie was starting to wonder what kind of flighty woman he had married.

"So, what's eating you, Charlie. You've been chewin' on that lip all afternoon. I know it's more than Quil dying. Something happen at work?"

Charlie took a long pull on his beer and then blew out one long breath. "I had a meeting with Chief Johnson today after the funeral."

Worry creased Billy's brow. "You lose your job?"

"No, No. Nothing like that," Charlie assured him. "He's retiring next year and wants me to replace him."

"Charlie, that's great!" Billy all but flew out of his seat at Charlie's good fortune. "That's huge news! We oughta celebrate!"

Gazing out in the yard, Charlie watched the kids zigzagging across the lawn in a game of tag. "Yeah, it's just that..."

"Just that what Charlie?" Billy followed his eyes to Bella.

"Oh I get it. You're worried about being tied here. You weren't planning on moving to be closer to Bella, were you?" he questioned.

Charlie sighed, thinking over what Chief Johnson had said to him earlier. _ This place is like Mayberry. Once you're the Sheriff, you're gonna be the Sheriff for the rest of your damn life. Make sure you want the job. If you don't, no hard feelings, I'll understand. _

Billy frowned, then started in, determined to give his buddy some sound advice. A good ass-kicking too if need be. "Look, Charlie. Here's the thing. Renee is unsteady. Now, don't go gettin' defensive, I know you still love her, but it's the truth. She's a flighty woman. How many times has she moved Bella around in the last few years?"

Charlie said nothing, just took another swig of his beer and zeroed in on the kids again, watching his little girl run screaming away from Jacob and the fat worm he was waving around.

"That's what I thought." Billy couldn't hide the satisfaction in his voice. "You're better off to stay where you are. One of these days, Renee is either going to dump Bella on you so that she can go live her life, or else Bella is gonna want to come and live with you again. You're better off to have the same house she's always known, the same people, the same town. This is her home. You're the one thing in her life that is constant. Keep it that way."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Charlie agreed reluctantly. "It's just hard being away from her all the time. Look at how much she's grown, Billy. I'm missing out on everything. A little girl needs her daddy."

"She has you, Charlie. Don't doubt that." Billy laughed hard when Jake ran up behind Bella, tapped her on the back and planted a wet kiss on her when she spun around. "Besides, I think Jake might object if you left. He'd know it would mean Bella isn't coming back anymore. I swear, Charlie. Those two kids are meant to be. One day they're gonna make us family."

"We already are family." Sarah snuck up behind the two men, kissing each of them on the cheek before chastising them. "I'll thank you two to not marry off my babies just yet. They've got lots of growing up to do. Let's enjoy them while they're little."

"Charlie, I know Bella's only been home for a day, but would you mind if she spent the night here with us? Sue's going to stay with Joy and I told them I'd take Quil overnight. Embry is going to spend the night too. I don't think Jacob is going to be willing to let her leave. Besides, she's good for Quil right now."

Hiding the relief in his voice, Charlie smiled brightly for Sarah. "Sure, she can stay. Truth be told, I could use the night alone. Got a few things to take care of anyhow."

Hours later, Charlie Swan found himself staring at the white peeling paint of a wooden shack. The place was out of the way, nondescript except for the faded Old Style sign on the side of the building. Just another ramshackle old honky tonk out in the sticks. The kind of place you went to when you didn't want to be seen, where nobody knows your name.

The bar was run by an old man who looked like he'd lived hard, wiping down the bar with a greasy rag you wouldn't use to clean your carburetor with. Cheap women brazenly draped themselves over men like bees to honey. Drawing lines down their chests with chipped and broken nails, lipstick smudged from sipping on dollar cocktails, flaunting their wares to anyone with a couple of bucks.

Charlie saw it all and didn't care. Here he wasn't a cop or the guy whose wife had left him. Here was just another man, another story nobody cared about. All that mattered was the bottom of a bottle.

The old man kept on wiping the gouged surface of the bar, nodding his head once to Charlie. "What'll it be mister?" His voice sounded rough, gravelled and scratched from too many years of smoke and liquor.

"Jack. Make it a double." Tossing a fifty on the bar, Charlie was determined to get good and plastered.

The first taste burned his tongue and throat. Rotgut, fire, stronger than turpentine. He tossed it back without so much as flinching. "Keep 'em coming," was his last request, not uttering a word for the rest of the night.

Charlie sat on a cracked stool, sipping cheap whiskey from a filthy chipped glass, drowning his sorrows and listening to the music from his past. Trying to forget all that he'd loved and lost in his lifetime.

The summer passed all too quickly into fall, bringing with it shorter days and dreary autumn skies. Bella had been gone for a month, taking the warmth of the sun with her.

More than once, Charlie found himself at that out of the way bar. Disappearing from his friends lives like a thief in the night. Losing himself beneath the neon lights and smoke-filled room. The dive and its patrons had become his own personal brand of comfort. The bartender recognized his face, but he was just another drink in the crowd, dropping in randomly, downing his liquor and counting his sorrows by the bottle. Sometimes he'd call a cab to get home. Other times he'd pass out in the backseat of his car, waking up with a screaming hangover and a gritty mouth tasting like dirt.

One night after a hard day in which he formally accepted the position Chief Johnson had offered him, Charlie drove out to the dive, ready to get lost again. Walking in, he never noticed Billy and Harry in the shadows, lying in wait to pounce and end his love affair with Jim, John and Jack.

"So, this is where you've been spending your time lately. Nice place." Charlie was startled to find himself sandwiched between his buddies. This was his joint, not theirs. Shame and anger crashed over him like a tidal wave upon being caught.

"Whatever the hell you're doing here, you guys can leave," he demanded. "I'm a big boy."

"Yeah, well for a grown ass man, you're acting like a teenage punk," observed Billy, eyeballing Charlie's dirty glass, then flagging down the bartender. "Two Rainiers, bottle if you got it."

"Forget it, they're leaving," Charlie stated, just wanting them to get the hell out.

"No we're not." Billy slapped his money on the bar before anyone could blink. "Two Rainiers."

The silence was deafening. Nobody said a word while they downed their alcohol. Charlie became increasingly uncomfortable and was about to get openly hostile when Harry's calm, collected voice rose over the scratchy sound of the jukebox. "You wanna keep coming here, that's fine. Just don't expect us to watch."

"Think about it Charlie. This isn't what Quil would have wanted. If Renee knew about this, she'd use it to keep Bella from ever coming back here again. You want to wreck your health, go right ahead. But, we're not sitting back and just lettin' it happen."

Charlie reached for his drink, but just as his fingers wrapped around the glass, Billy's hand covered it. "You're better than this Chief. I've watched too many of my own people turn to this shit when things got bad." Tears shimmered in Billy's eyes and Charlie's guilt loomed large in their wake.

"_I can't lose you too._"

His voice was no louder than a whisper, but the words echoed over and over in Charlie's mind like the crack of a shotgun, going straight to his heart.

"We'll be outside." Billy clapped him on the shoulder, leaving him alone with his cheap whiskey and his shame.

He sat there for another few minutes, trying to come to terms with what had just occurred. Lifting the dirty glass to his lips, Charlie found himself unable to take a drink, nearly choking on the amber liquid. Looking around, for the first time he fully saw where he was and what he was quickly becoming.

Then he remembered the kids running around the yard the day of the funeral. His thoughts settling finally on Quil's son. Charlie felt ashamed of his actions when his own troubles were nothing to bear in light of the boy's. It was time for his self-imposed exile to end.

Setting the glass on the counter, he nodded goodbye to the old bartender for the last time. When the door swung closed behind him, Charlie breathed in the cool, clean air, tasting the salty sea and the sky. Then gazed up at the million stars beginning to light up the deep Washington skies.

Somewhere between twilight and darkness falling, in a pitted gravel parking lot in the middle of nowhere, Charlie found the strength to let go. The grief he held so tightly flew off into the night to join Quil somewhere in the mystic.

Peace settled over his being, slowly healing the jagged edges of his heart. Looking out past the run down cars, he found Billy and Harry leaning against Ruby's hood, waiting to take him home. Striding over to them Charlie was certain in the knowledge that with friends to hold him up, he would not go under. This time, he would survive.

There was still a part of him that feared what else life would bring. Trouble loomed around the corner, prepared to pounce and rear its ugly head. For now it didn't matter. The night was long and he had promises to keep.

A/N: According to fandom lore, and by that I mean the lexicon according to S.M., Quil Sr. died in a storm when his son was quite young. Obviously I have taken some liberty as to what the emotion surrounding his death would have been like as I have for several events in Charlie's life. I realize that this story has become quite full of angst and must seem as if there is no hope for future happiness. I promise that even though there are a few more chapters that are troubling, there will be laughter in Charlie's life. I am an HEA kind of gal. There will be joy and humor as Charlie and Billy find their places in the world as well as comfort in each other, the way that only true friends can. I hope that you'll all stick with me.


	8. Chapter 7: Fade To Black

**TISSUE WARNING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

_Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones_

_October, 1998_

_**I see a red door and I want to paint it black...**_

He'd never forget that song as long as he lived. He'd also never listen to it again. It was the broken record of his life. Darkness seemed to surround him. The melody which surrounded and shrouded his life in misty shadow. No sooner than the light would come back, the track would begin anew, bringing with it the awful darkness that plagued his heart.

Years had passed since Quil's death. Years in which his daughter grew older and with each one, further and further away from him. Summers came and went until somewhere deep inside Charlie knew Bella wouldn't want to visit him any longer. It was already happening. This year she had asked to go to Disneyland instead of coming to Forks for her annual visit. Even amid the laughter and sweet taste of cotton candy, he couldn't avoid the distance that had grown between father and daughter.

Charlie had been gone from Forks for nearly three weeks that past summer. All the time he could afford to take off in this small town. It still wasn't enough to make up for an entire year of separation.

Being the Chief of police didn't leave much wiggle room for things like vacations and sick days. Too many people expected too much of him. Often he felt the weight of their small-town world bear heavily on his shoulders. Most days, he didn't mind. It was another way to fill the interminable silence and endless monotony of frozen dinners that marked the days of the calendar. Days devoid of bright, sunny smiles and girlish laughter. Hugs and butterfly kisses at bedtime, the gentle sound of breathing or the serene image of brown curls and softly parted lips.

The police department filled his time and when it didn't, fishing and cleaning his guns did, although they made for a poor substitute.

Yet through it all, every bleak hour, every single missed birthday or holiday, Sarah Black had remained his constant. A living, breathing source of comfort and strength for Charlie Swan. Her friendship was a shining beacon of light in his darkest hours.

It might have been Billy and Harry who pulled him out of the smoky abyss and neon lights five years ago, but it was Sarah Black who had held his hand. Her strong shoulders held him up when nobody else could.

Dinners at the Blacks had become a weekly ritual. As much of a habit as tying his shoes in the morning or hanging his gun holster up by the door at night. In some ways, it was a bit painful. As much as he loved the twins and Jacob, they were only a substitute for Bella. Jake himself was a living, breathing reminder of what Charlie was missing.

Sure, Rachel and Rebecca with their girlish pigtails might have reminded him of Bella, but every single time Charlie looked into Jacob's boyish face, he saw his own daughter's smile reflected back at him in a thousand memories beneath the warm summer sun.

Charlie wasn't oblivious. He knew that Billy and Sarah saw the haunted look in his eyes and that Sarah herself probably felt the same hollow, sick feeling in her soul. She loved Bella just as much as he did. Only last summer, Bella had learned to bake cookies with her, proud as punch to serve them to everyone while offering up big glasses of milk with her sticky little fingers. Flour had been smudged on her upturned little nose and bits of batter clung in her brown locks. The kitchen was a gooey mess by the time they were done that day, but Sarah had only laughed and taken Bella's picture, then kissed her soft cheeks telling her with motherly affection just how much she loved was.

In that moment, tears welled up in Bella's big doe eyes. Throwing her little arms around Sarah Black's neck, she whispered brokenly, "I wish you were my mommy." Yet another sign of Renee's less than motherly instincts. One more small visual of how one woman's selfishness could impact a child... or break her.

Charlie wished it too... with all his heart. He wished for so many things these days. A better mother for his little girl. More time with his daughter, another chance to make things right with his ex-wife. An afternoon of fishing with Quil, one more bonfire and a cold six-pack of beer with his buddies. But wishing was only that. Useless and pointless.

None of it would ever happen again.

Yet through it all, he was grateful for what he did have. For Harry, Sue, Joy, Billy and for Sarah. They all accepted him into their hearts and homes, just as they had all their lives. Born of Irish-American roots, Charlie's spirit went with the Quileute. Their land, their people were his true home.

So, it was on yet another Friday night much like any other, that he drove the winding road through the dismal Washington rain to spend time with his old friends. To gather one more hug from Sarah then afterwards when everyone else left and Billy had parked it in front of the TV to watch whatever game might be on, he and Sarah would sit together to talk over all that troubled his aching heart.

The rain was coming down thick and fast, washing in sheets over the windshield and blocking all but the few feet of road in front of him from sight. _Damn good thing I got new tires on this thing_, he thought, for once grateful of the safety afforded him by the police car. Next to him was a bag from the bakery up in Port Angeles, stuffed to capacity with every sugar-free dessert he could lay hands on. The diabetes was really messing with Billy these days. Like he told Billy, _the way I figure it, if you cut out the other crap, there's still room for Rainier on the weekends._

So, this too had become part of the Friday ritual. Charlie would make the run to P.A. and Harry would provide the fish fry, so long as Billy bought the beer. _'None of that light crap either'_, they had told him. The first time he'd tried to pass that shit off on them they'd spit it out and made a run to the corner store with the cherries and berries going on the squad. Laughing out loud at the memory, Charlie cracked a wide grin. _Poor little thing at the register didn't know what to think when we pulled up with sirens blazin' and came in there like a bunch of renegade cowboys on a mission. _

The story of their antics had spread to every corner of the reservation by breakfast. Sarah had chastised them the next day good and proper. _Of course, her way of punishing us was to clang every pot and pan she could find __in __the kitchen to mess with our hungover asses. That and letting the twins play barbie with Billy's hair and face_. Sarah had quickly banished them from the house that morning, leaving both men to their own devices- and use of the woods for outdoor plumbing. Billy had gone through breakfast, picked up the morning paper and even started to mow the lawn before someone stopped and told him they admired his pretty new look. Sarah just laughed. It was all a great joke and just what she thought her husband deserved.

All in all, Charlie was feeling good tonight. So good, that for once he left work at the door and turned off the police radio in the car, instead cranking up the dial to the local radio station when the Stones started playing. _Maybe I'll skip the coffee clutch with Sarah tonight and tie one on with the boys instead._ His own shitty voice sang along with the music, thinking about the time when they'd all snuck off to see the Rolling Stones play up in Seattle and gotten loaded together. _Hell, I'd even forgotten all about being a cop that night and got stoned off my ass._

_**I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes **_

_**I have to turn my head until my darkness goes **_

Cranking the dial even louder, Charlie realized that somewhere along the way he'd forgotten how to have fun. Tonight would be different. Tonight they'd act like a bunch of kids again. _Shit, maybe we'll go get Ruby and take her out for a spin._

Charlie was so caught up in the music that he never even noticed the red light blinking on his CB radio. It wasn't until he was right on top of it that he saw the little blue car smashed against the giant sitka on the side of the road, crumpled up like a crushed soda can. Nor did he see the blazing red of the fire trucks. He didn't even hear the sirens of the ambulances echoing over the din of the rain.

Pulling over to a stop in the gravel, Charlie hopped on his radio, reporting in to dispatch.

"Matt, I see an accident out here on the 101. It looks handled but I'm going to see if there's any more I can do. Call out to the Black's for me, will ya and let them know I'm gonna be late."

In a huge rush, he failed to hear the man on the other end screaming for him to wait. Instead, Charlie hurried out of the car, pulling the collar of his coat over his head so that he wouldn't get soaked in the late afternoon storm.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he found.

Nobody seemed to notice him when he first crept onto the scene. Everyone was too busy trying to figure out what to do. It startled Joe Evans when Charlie tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, what do we have here? Fatalities?"

_**I see people turn their heads and quickly look away **_

_**Like a newborn baby it just happens ev'ryday **_

Joe looked at him wide-eyed, stumbling over the words. "It's not good.. Driver is pinned, looks like her chest is crushed from the steering column and..."

Charlie interrupted him. "Alright, I'm gonna see if there's anything I can do to help. Has the family been notified yet?" It was a part of the job he hated. Everyone in the area knew each other and he was sure he'd recognize whoever it was behind the wheel. Charlie started for the car, ignoring Joe's shouts.

"Chief, wait! There's something you oughta'..."

_**No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue **_

_**I could not foresee this thing happening to you...**_

When he peered through the broken glass, Charlie Swan's world shattered just as surely as the spidered windshield of car.

There, languishing somewhere between life and death on a god-forsaken highway in the middle of nowhere was Sarah Black.

Charlie crumpled to the ground in shock, every twisted piece of metal and broken glass cutting his heart into a million jagges pieces.

"Oh God, Sarah! I'm gonna get you outta there. You hear me?" He turned frantically to the men who stared at him unmoving. "Why aren't you all helping her? Get her out of this car or I'll do it myself!"

"Charlie..." Sarah's voice, though weak pulled him to her. "Charlie, tell Billy..."

He cut her off, not allowing her to say it. "Don't even think it, Sarah. I'm getting you out of here. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be just fine. Doc Owens will fix you right up and tomorrow you'll be cussing me and the boys out for making a mess of your living room."

_**Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts **_

_**It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black **_

With trembling hands, Charlie pulled the knife out of his pocket and reached through the busted window to slice apart the seat belt. The door lay half open, hopelessly crumpled beyond repair. Throwing all of his weight against it, Charlie wedged it open, cringing at the grinding sound of metal on metal. It wasn't until then, when she was fully exposed to him, that he knew what everyone was silently telling him.

There was no hope.

A long shard of glass was wedged into her stomach, protruding out like some kind of gruesome halloween accessory. Blood seeped from the sides of her mouth, her chest barely rising and falling. Sarah's lungs functioned like half-deflated balloons. Spattered over the passenger seat was a half-melted carton of rocky road ice-cream. _My favorite._ His breath caught in his throat, choking over the thought.

_She can't die this way. I won't let her. _ Charlie Swan's heart pounded wildly, threatening to jump right out of his chest. "Just hold on, Sarah," he begged. "Just hold on."

"Joe! Bring me a goddamn umbrella!" he shouted frantically, the angry tone in his normally even voice causing the fireman to run, not walk. Carefully, Charlie pulled her from the car, refusing to let the last moments of Sarah Black's beautiful life pass by in a tiny piece of crap along the side of a road in the pouring rain.

Rainbowed puddles of gasoline and oil shimmered on the gravel, the rain carving small rivers that flowed down into the grass. The air was damp and cold. Stripping the coat off of his body, he covered her smaller one, hiding the awful shard of glass away from sight. While Joe held the umbrella over them both, Charlie Swan stroked Sarah's long black hair, cradling her gently to his chest as if he could somehow will her own to mimic the rhythmic movement of life.

"Charlie, tell Billy... the girls... I love them. I'm so sorry." The words came out in gasps as she used every last ounce of her strength to convey her final thoughts.

"Ssshh... Sarah. You have nothing to be sorry for.. It's just an accident. It'll be okay."

The corners of her mouth turned up in a weakened smile, thick red crimson spattering over her pink lips when she spoke. "I'll miss you, Charlie. Even... even in heaven."

Tears poured from his eyes while lightning tore up the sky. She was fading fast, dying in his arms. The only woman who'd ever loved him fully. The only woman whom he ever loved enough to keep in his heart, was leaving him. His best friend's wife. Mother to his godchildren, the kindest and dearest soul he'd ever known.

"Look after... Billy for me."

"I will, Sarah. The kids too. I swear it," he sobbed, watching her choke on her own blood, trying to get the words out.

Then, the slightest pressure on his hand. He looked down, only to see her tiny fingers clutching his tightly. "Charlie... bring Bella home. Jake. Bring her back to Jake..."

"I promise Sarah, I promise I will."

Then... just like that she was gone. Sarah's body went limp in his arms and her eyes closed to this earth forever. Never to see her loved ones again except from somewhere on high. Among the stars, Sarah Black joined Quil Ateara, walking the path of their ancestors, taking all the color of life with her.

_**I see a red door and I want it painted black **_

_**No colors anymore I want them to turn black **_

On the side of the road, in the pouring rain, pitted gravel digging into his knees, Charlie Swan said goodbye.

It seemed like hours that he held her in his arms, rocking back and forth, sobbing into the silky strands of her hair, breathing in the smell of fresh baked bread and cinnamon for the last time. Gut-wrenching sobs tore from his throat marking the full measure of his grief for all the world to see. He didn't care who noticed. None of them mattered anymore. Tonight, the hand of death won out over pride and dignity.

Reluctantly, he let her go. Paramedics were waiting with the stretcher and the awful thick black bag to take Sarah away. Unable to face seeing her placed in the dark, Charlie walked to his car, never once looking back. Averting his eyes when he pulled out making a wide berth around the scene, he pushed his way forward through the dense fog and rain to the little red house in La Push.

When he pulled into the driveway, the rain had finally abated. Music and laughter flowed from an open window, seemingly mocking his pain. Harry's truck was already there. The the smell of fish and fry oil carried on the evening breeze. Inside the children were arguing with each other, Jacob and Quil loudly shouting over their sister's insistent voices.

The screen door opened wide, light spilling out around the shadow of Billy's hulking form. Yet, Charlie sat frozen, unable to move.

Unable to face the truth.

Unable to break the news.

When Billy Black opened the car door, his eyes lit up like Christmas trees upon seeing the bag from the bakery. Charlie's heart dropped into his stomach.

"Hey, Chief. 'Bout time you got here! Thought you were never gonna make it. I've had to hold off the monsters from eating your share of the fish tonight."

Billy's greedy hands reached for the bag. "Smells good, brother. Sarah went into town to pick up some ice-cream to go with this. Something about wanting to get some Rocky Road. Don't know why. Woman went to the grocery store once already today. Hell, she knows I can't eat the stuff."

Charlie's eyes closed and the knuckles of his fists went white as he clutched the steering wheel. _The ice-cream. My ice-cream... she was getting it for me. Sarah was trying to make me happy. It's my fault, Billy. _

_All my fault._

Then the dreaded words.

They stumbled out of his mouth like a small child taking its first steps. "Billy, there's been an accident."

_**Black as night, black as coal **_

_**I wanna see the sun, blotted out from the sky **_

Then the whole world faded black.


	9. Chapter 9: To Hold You Again

**Song: Billy & The Beaters At This Moment **** watch?v=Lfv-i8NLiOQ**

**iframe width="250" height="188" src=" embed/Lfv-i8NLiOQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen/iframe**

**A/N: For all of you who have stuck with me, this will be the last angsty, sad chapter of this story. Charlie has a future full of laughter, good times and bad, but life can't always be this much of a trainwreck.**

**Chapter 8 - Hold You Again**

May 2001

Empty bottles of beer stood like sentinels on top of the gouged kitchen table where Charlie Swan was passed out from grief and alcohol.

He'd shown up at Billy's door that night, stumbling over the threshold half-drunk with a twelve pack in one hand. In the other was clutched the tear-stained pages of a letter in little-girl handwriting. Without saying a word, Charlie slumped into a chair, popped the cap off a bottle and began to drown his sorrows the only way he knew how.

Waking up Saturday morning, mouth feeling like it was full of cotton balls and the pounding of a hammer chiseling away at his brain, Charlie wondered what possessed him to get so drunk in the first place.

The small red house was quiet, only the meadowlarks singing on the breeze carried in through the open windows. It was the weekend, so Billy's teenage daughters were gone, off doing whatever things it was that girls did. The house was eerily quiet without their boisterous laughter. A type of silence that Charlie never had the chance to experience. Just another painful reminder to Charlie of what would never be.

Bella's laughter still echoed through the empty hallways of his house.

"'Bout time you got your ass up." Billy hobbled up to the table, placing a coffee mug in front of him. The effects of the diabetes had begun to show lately, forcing his old friend to use a cane to get around. After Sarah's death, Billy had not taken care of himself, unable to function in a world where she did not exist. Depression only advanced the disease which had been slowly ravaging his body. It was just another nail in the coffin of Charlie Swan's life. He had to wonder if things would ever be the same. What had either one of them done to deserve so much pain and suffering? Where was God or the Great Spirits in all this?

_Why are we being punished?_

Charlie groaned, closing his eyes to the bright morning sunlight that streamed in from the kitchen windows. "Shit, how much did I drink last night?"

"You tell me." There was no laughter in Billy's voice. Seeing Charlie on a bender was a hell of a lot different than when they'd tie one on together after an afternoon of fishing. " About a case while you were here, but when you walked through the door you were already three sheets to the wind."

Vaguely, Charlie began to recall what had happened the night before. It was a day much like any other in his life. A Friday afternoon holding the promise of a long weekend doing nothing but cleaning his guns and fishing bright on the horizon. He'd even knocked off work a couple hours early with a spring in his step and cup of coffee in his hands. Life was pretty damn good. The sun was shining, the fish would be biting and the cute waitress from the diner had slipped him her number during lunch that day.

Getting home, he walked through the usual routine. Hang up the gun belt, change clothes, flip on the baseball game, grab a beer, sort the mail.

Electric bill, Publishers Clearinghouse, local store circular, water bill... then his eyes lit up. A letter addressed in girlish handwriting complete with Hello Kitty stamps on the back.

_Bells_.

Charlie ripped it open greedily, always excited to see what his shy daughter committed to the page. She was so full of thoughts and ideas. The kind of things that most children her age never dreamed of or couldn't comprehend. His little girl was destined for greatness. That much he was sure of.

_Daddy_,

One word. That simple bit of affection always made him smile, swelling his heart with a love so profound it outshone all the stars in the universe. He kept reading, laughing at her humor, filling with fatherly pride reading about her latest accomplishments. No parent was ever prouder of their child than him.

The letter was full of her accomplishments at school, thoughts and feelings on the world around her, the way the wind felt on her neck, a cactus garden she was helping her mom with.

Charlie frowned a little when he got to the end.

_I was thinking that this year I'd really like it if instead of coming to Forks or you coming to Arizona that we could go somewhere else. Just you and me. I'd really like to get away for a while. Mom has been really busy with work and I know that she'd like to have some time to herself. Her and Phil (that's her boyfriend) want to take a trip too. So maybe they could go when I'm gone. It would work out great for him since he doesn't get much time off during baseball season. He's a pitcher for the Aces and I get stuck going to all of his boring games with mom. Since you taught me a little bit about baseball I can keep track of the games. _

_What do you think, Dad? Can we go somewhere else? It's just that Forks is always so cold and rainy. I don't know anyone there. I'd really like it if we could do something else._

_I miss you and I love you,_

_-Bella_

It was a punch to the gut.

Charlie knew that Renee had dated other men- Bella's letters always indicated as much- but this was different. Something else entirely. In that second he hated the bastard that was living his life.

Then behind the last page of Bella's letter, he found one more. A brief handwritten note from his ex-wife.

_Charlie- _

_I'm sure that Bella has mentioned Phil to you in her letters. He's a good man. One of the best. We haven't told her yet, but at the end of the baseball season, we plan to move in together. _

_I'm not asking __for __your permission, only notifying you so that __as her father, __you are aware of the situation. You have a right to know what is going on in her life even if you are not a part of it._

_-Renee_

Blindly, he stumbled into the kitchen and opened the rarely used cupboard over the sink. Dusty bottles of whiskey and rot-gut rye greeted him like old friends saying hello.

Without looking at the labels, he pulled one down, twisted off the cap and began to drink. The burning sensation of the alcohol sliding down his throat felt good. A form of punishment, a promise to forget.

How long he stood there, staring out the kitchen window at nothing, Charlie did not know. Long afternoon shadows began to fade with the sinking sun. Dusk enveloped the world in her waning arms. The only thing he knew was the bottle. When it felt light, he knew the whiskey was gone... along with it, salvation.

"FUCK!" He slammed the empty bottle into the kitchen sink, shattering the glass into a thousand tiny pieces against the old cream colored porcelain. Nearly twelve years gone by and Renee still had power over him. Power to make him feel weak, young, confused... worthless. Less of a man.

Charlie didn't think twice. Without hesitation he grabbed his keys, picked up a case of beer, closed the door behind him and got behind the wheel to drive the long, winding road to La Push.

Thirty minutes later when he walked through the Blacks door, Charlie didn't say a word. The wrinkled pages of Bella's letter remained clutched in his hand. Then he proceeded to spend the rest of the evening passing his troubles in the best way he and so many other men knew how.

Charlie Swan got rip-roaring drunk and hung his troubles out to dry.

So, on Saturday morning he woke with a rotten headache and a hangover he hadn't felt in years. Billy waited quietly for Charlie to tell him what had happened. It was too much. More than he could put into words. Instead, he slid the crumpled letters across the table, sipped the strong coffee and waited while his old friend read them. _Please read them. Please tell me it's not there. Tell me she's coming back and bringing my baby with her. _But no amount of silent begging could change the truth.

Understanding washed over Billy Black's face when he skimmed the pages. The pain of losing someone you love bore great significance in his own life. First Sarah, now his daughters. They were out celebrating, both having gotten their college acceptance letters. Neither one had dealt with the passing of their mother very well. The girls had spent more time in the homes of their friends on the reservation than in their own. Billy knew they would leave soon, only this time they would not come back, leaving him and his son on their own for many years to come.

This business with Bella and Renee was different though. A kind of pain that pricked and tortured Charlie's soul for more years than he could count. It was clear from her letter that Bella no longer considered Forks- and all that inhabited it- home.

When he read the words that Renee had so hastily and thoughtlessly committed to page, Billy knew why his buddy had shown up on his doorstep drunker than a skunk. The great love of his life, the only woman to ever hold a place in his heart had moved on... Charlie had not.

The two men finished their coffee in silence. No amount of comfort or words of sympathy could fix what was broken in that moment. Sometimes, Billy realized, you just need to open yourself up to the pain so that you can move on. It was a hard lesson learned in his own life, one he wished he could forget.

After a while, Billy stood, grasped the handle of his cane and headed for the back door, motioning for Charlie to follow.

Picking their way over the uneven earth of the yard, the men continued far past the line of trees, deep under the canopy of leaves and branches of pine. "Where are we going?" Charlie asked.

"There's something I wanna show you."

Charlie raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Last time you talked about going into the woods we were kids and you told me your granddaddy turned into a wolf. What's it gonna be this time? Zombies disguised as mountain lions? Because I don't have my gun."

Billy rolled his eyes and kept going. He knew Charlie didn't believe in the spirit warriors the way he did. Some things had to be seen in order to be believed.

Soon enough they came to a small clearing, a hidden place in the forest, mossy and wide. Billy hobbled over to a fallen log, his legs tired and weak from the short journey and sat down, letting the sunlight warm his face. Charlie stood on the other side, taking in the overwhelming beauty of mother nature. From this place the sound of ocean waves crashing against the shore sounded like a whispering song on the breeze. Birds chirped merrily from the highest boughs of the trees and the soft thud of hooves could be heard scampering in the undergrowth surrounding them. It was a small piece of heaven, a calm spot in the chaos of life.

"I found this place about four months after Sarah died. You know how screwed up I was then. The kids were hardly home, I couldn't bear to look at them half the time. The girls, they're so pretty. Just like she was when we first started dating. Jake... he's got her smile. Every single time he smiled at me... I know he's my kid and everything, but it hurt like hell."

Billy became quiet, lost in the pain and sorrow of death. When Charlie sat down beside him, he drew in a deep breath, then spoke the one thought that had haunted him since his wife died. "I hated you. I needed you and I hated you at the same time. I blamed you even though it wasn't your fault. It was stupid, all of it. I figured that if you didn't love that fucking ice cream she would have never left. I hate that the two of you were so close, that she wanted to make you happy. Then I started blaming Harry and Sue for suggesting we get together on Friday nights. It was their idea to start doing that. I was mad at the kids for distracting her at the grocery store so she forgot to buy it."

Charlie looked at the ground, unable to look into his best friends eyes. "I... you don't know how many times I wished... wondered if I could have done something."

"It wasn't your fault though. Thing is, I needed someone to hate. Someone to blame so that I didn't blame myself. I coulda gone to the store for her. The kids had driven her nuts that day and I told her it would do her a bit of good to get out of the house. Fact is, I was too damn anxious to have some fun. I acted like a selfish teenager instead of a grown man. I hated myself. For months I thought it should have been me that died that night."

"Fact is, I couldn't let go. I just couldn't say goodbye. You and Harry were the only thing that kept me from putting myself in the grave next to her. One morning Sue came by, cooked breakfast for the kids while I sat around feeling sorry for myself. I didn't even say goodbye when they left. I started walking. Don't know what it was I wanted. Just walked around until it hurt. Ended up here. When my legs couldn't take it anymore, when I thought I was gonna die out here and finally get what I wanted, the sun started shining through the trees and this is where I ended up. Then all of a sudden, it didn't hurt so bad anymore. All this light coming down in the middle of a dark place... it was like Sarah sent me a message. So, I quit playing the blame game. I started to let her go."

"I don't think I can." Charlie buried his face in his hands, feeling twenty years older and more weary than he ever had before. _That jerk is living my life. Mine! My wife, my daughter. _The knowledge that another man could make love to Renee, take his little girl to school, tuck her in bed at night and kiss her forehead broke his heart into more pieces than could be counted over a lifetime. There was nothing that he wouldn't give if he could just have one more moment. One more chance to love them both the way he wanted to.

Yesterday he'd come face to face with the certain knowledge that it would never happen again. Renee had found another to love. _She replaced me._

"Sure you can. You just gotta find the light."

They both sat there for a long time. Breaking the silence on and off with stories about the past, the triumphs of their kids and most importantly, hope for the future. The world kept moving all around them. Back at the house, Jacob Black read Bella's words with a breaking heart. Charlie's deputy was stopping the random speeder and Harry Clearwater was laughing while his little boy chased his mom around triumphantly with his latest fishing catch.

Finally when the sun was starting to go down, Charlie stretched his legs, ready to face the world again. He wasn't sure if he was ready to let go, but he'd try.

"You go on. I'm gonna stay out here a little bit longer. I'll meet you back at the house and we'll play a little poker tonight. See if I can't clean out Harry's wallet."

Charlies eyes lit on the cane by Billy's side. "You sure? You haven't eaten anything in hours."

"Yep I'm good. Native, remember? I can live off of twigs and berries if I need to."

That was the first time Charlie laughed in twenty-four hours. The sound of it made Billy Black smile. It was exactly what he had hoped for. "I swear to god, you stereotype yourself more than anyone else does."

"It's my right. Besides, unlike you, I had a full breakfast this morning. I'm good."

When Charlie got back to the house, Jacob and his friends were tearing around the backyard, throwing a football and tackling each other harder than NFL players. Knowing he looked like hell, Charlie shoved his hands into his pockets while he kept his eyes to the ground, ignoring the kids in the hope that none of them would see him like this.

After he'd gotten inside and made a few calls, Jacob came in and that was when Charlie noticed Jacob wasn't smiling. Bella's letter was no longer on the kitchen table. The boy stood by the counter, scuffing the worn rubber toe of his shoe against the floor.

"So, I take it you read the letter?"

Jacob had the courtesy to look ashamed even though he wasn't really sorry. " I didn't mean to snoop or anything... I..."

"Nah, that's ok, Jake. I left it out, no big deal."

It was awkward, this moment between man and boy where neither one was quite sure of what to say to the other. Up until then, Charlie didn't realize how much Jacob missed his daughter. Sarah Black's last words echoed through his mind again, stirring something deep inside his soul. Maybe, just maybe this would be the catalyst. Perhaps Bella would finally come back to them one day soon. For now, as hard is it might be, they'd have to wait.

Charlie slumped down on the couch, assuming Jacob would go back outside. He didn't though. Instead he stayed where he was in the kitchen, like a little boy lost. It was too much. Charlie couldn't fight the tears that came any more than he could stop Renee when she left, taking his heart along with her.

A small, warm hand reached for his in a gesture of comfort. One of understanding. Charlie saw the same tears in Jacob's eyes reflected back in his own. He placed an arm around him, much the way a father would his own son, and held him close to his heart. In many ways, that's what Jacob was to him. A son. The boy that perhaps he might have had if Renee had never left. The brother Bella wanted instead of a best friend.

The boy returned his hug with all the warmth that his own mother had possessed in life. Sarah Black lived on in her children. Jacob looked up at him with her eyes and Charlie believed him when he said, "She'll come back one day. I know she will." Those words and his afternoon with Billy had lent him the strength to begin to let Renee go, making room for hope that Bella would come back to them.

When the sun went down and Billy still hadn't returned. Charlie got anxious. Instead of hanging his troubles out to dry, he shoved them aside, remembering that sometimes there were things in this world more important than our own grief or sorrow. He led the search team, finding his old friend unconscious, passed out from the pain of a fall.

Somewhere on the way home, Billy had stumbled, the diabetes catching up with him. While he laid there on the damp forest floor among the thick fern, he thought about the empty wheelchair that awaited him. For the first time in his life, William Black wished he possessed the spirit of the wolf.


	10. Chapter 10

Hi Everyone!

Need You, Iris, Firefly and The Life & Times of Charlie Swan have all been nominated in The Fandom Choice Awards. Thank you so much for your nominations. Please check out the wonderful stories that are listed and then vote for your favorites.

Congratulations to my friends and wonderful reviewers who have been nominated.

Thank You,

Dragonfly76

www. fandomchoiceawards .com


	11. Chapter 11: Magic Carpet Ride

**To All Who Nominated In The Fandom Choice Awards... THANK YOU! The Life & Times of Charlie Swan was nominated in the Best Friendship category. Voting runs through January 3.**

**Warning: Blatant and unapologetic use of drugs in this chapter.**

2004

Forty-year-old Charles Swan, or Charlie, as he still preferred to be called, wiggled around uncomfortably in his office chair. He'd asked to have all his calls held. There was something he needed to do far away from prying eyes.

Slowly he chicken-pecked at letters on his keyboard. To a man who wasn't big on change, the internet seemed like a bit of a folly. Yet now, it seemed that he couldn't run away from the future any more than he could run from the past. Though this was probably not what anyone had in mind when the state approved funds so the police department could leap forward into the technological age.

Hitting enter for his search term of choice, Charlie leaned back and looked out the window at the beauty of the world around him while he waited for the results to list. It was a beautiful day. One of those days when it was hard for him to stay cooped up in the office. Charlie would much rather trade in his uniform and badge for a fishing pole and cold beer by the lake. Maybe later he'd go out and patrol for a bit. Roll the windows down and breathe in the fresh air. Let a few people who were speeding off the hook and enjoy the rare sunshine instead.

Hearing the multiple dings, he turned around, eyes roving over the computer screen scanning the results. He clicked on the first one only to quickly close out before someone came busting into his office wondering what he was up to. The loud blare of music startled him so badly he spilled hot coffee all over his lap, knocking over a cup of pens in the process. "Shit!" he swore, dabbing at the mess with a bunch of napkins he kept in his desk drawer, leftover from a thousand take-out lunches from the local diner.

After five minutes he finally figured out how to use the volume controls on the computer, muting it all the way to zero before opening another result.

"Jesus Christ!" he spluttered, closing yet another result of his inquiry, sure that half of the pictures on it could get him kicked off the force for illegally downloading pornography.

Then, finally settling on another, he cautiously clicked the mouse button, crossing his fingers that this one contained nothing borderline illegal. It popped open and Charlie frowned at the pseudo encyclopedia entry. Some crappy internet version of a library. Just one more shitty advance in the world of technology... at least in his opinion. At least it was giving him information that he needed and for now, that was all that mattered.

"**Toxic**" is a song by American recording artist Britney Spears

from her fourth album, _In the Zone_. It was released on January 12, 2004,

by Jive Records as the second single from the album.

His eyes continued to scan the page. A week ago he'd been at Billy's, tying one on with him during the Mariners game. About five beers in, Charlie tried to ask Jacob what he thought about all this Britney Spears nonsense and the way the girls were walking around dressed like a bunch of big city street corner hookers. The kid had just turned six shades of red, scuffed his toe on the carpet and mumbled something unintelligible that Charlie's half-drunk ears couldn't understand.

Billy let out a loud guffaw and sent Jake to fetch him another beer. "Jeez, Swan, leave the kid alone. He's fifteen. You think he wants to admit he gets a boner from Spears?"

More words popped out on the screen. _Taste...addicted... SEX... naked... diamonds... poison...masturbation. _It was more than he could handle, but if being a cop taught him one thing, it was to dig deeper.

Very cautiously, Charlie inched his volume up a tiny bit, then clicked on the video result. If the startling cleavage wasn't enough, he nearly fell out of his chair when a young blonde slithered across the floor practically naked and sparkling, showing off more goodies than an ice cream truck. When she spilled the champagne and started rubbing the napkin on a passengers dick, Charlie Swan had a near fatal heart attack. His own daughter could be watching this crap. Fishnet stockings, steamy shower scenes and mile high clubs. _What the fuck is this world coming to? This is who all the young girls in town are emulating? Tromping around in short, tight skirts with low cut tops and knee high boots! What the hell kind of parents... _

Then his eyes went wide with dismay. "What if Bella?" Quickly he picked up the phone, dialed Renee, only to leave an irritated message when she didn't answer. _Probably off with that damn fool boy toy of hers again. Never gave a shit about sports when she was with me but ends up with a ball player half her age. _

There was a time when this kind of stuff was saved for the bedroom. He'd seen a lot over the years, gotten called out to some pretty strange domestic disturbances only to find out the screams the neighbors heard were just some odd bedroom fetishes. But, to display this kind of thing wantonly, encourage teenagers to... Charlie swallowed hard and shut down his computer. He had to get out of there.

"I'm takin' off for the day," he told the dispatcher as he passed by. "If my bitch of an ex-wife calls back, patch her through to my cell. Otherwise I don't wanna be disturbed."

Rushing out the door, he barely noticed the way the room fell silent upon his announcement. Charlie Swan never knocked off early for the day. Not once in all his years as a cop did he ever up and leave the station without a valid reason.

Not ready to go home just yet, Charlie drove around town with his cop shades on, passing by his old teenage haunts trying to pinpoint exactly when it was that he became an adult. Because he knew that as a kid, this Brittney shit wouldn't have disturbed him. In fact, it was the kinda thing he and the guys would have gotten their rocks off on. When did his youth pass him by? Was it the day he became a cop? Why did they stop having bonfires out at the reservation? What happened to the dumbshit kid that got loaded and had his ass tattooed for the fun of it?

He could almost hear the laughter of those halcyon days, the purr of Ruby's engine and Quil's boisterous shouts as they cruised down the road, young and carefree. In the backseat, Billy would be lusting after a fight, Harry would have the new Playboy by his side and in front, Charlie would ride with his head half out the window, shouting to the wind. Golden days of youth gone by, when a dime-bag cost a dime and the girls showed off long, sun-kissed legs beneath ripped and tattered jean skirts. Teenage memories strung together by eight-track tapes and vinyl records, littered with empties and the sting of a needle.

The soundtrack of his youth.

Just as he was pulling past the old Frozen Cone Shoppe where he and the guys used to cruise for chicks, he saw two teenagers go behind the now shuttered, crumbling building. Charlie sighed, pulled out of his reverie and back to the present where he played the part of a responsible adult, Chief of Police to a small town and father to a nearly seventeen-year-old daughter.

In full on cop-mode, Charlie slowly pulled his squad car to a stop, wincing when the tires crunched over the crumbling pavement. One hand on his holster, he crept around the side of the building. There, beside the dumpster was Bobby Mallory, Jr. and his troublemaking cohort, Ricky Stephens. _I shoulda known... _It seemed Charlie had traded one pain in the ass from his past for a new one. Junior was a punkass shithead and Ricky was nearly as bad.

At least the Stephens boy had an excuse. Charlie knew for a fact that his dad was a fall-down drunk that would just as soon beat him black and blue than look at him. Calls out to that house hadn't dwindled over the years, but it seemed like they could never rack up enough evidence against him to do much about it. The father would disappear for months at a time, leaving young Ricky and his mom to fend for themselves. Most days, she could be found leaning against a pole in the local bar, giving anyone who cared for it, an eyeful of all she had to offer.

The two boys were over eighteen now and Charlie knew this didn't bode well for either of them. Each had a fat joint between their grubby fingers, poised to light up when he walked up behind them. Both boys scrambled at the sight of him, hands up in the air, ready to sell their souls to the devil to get out of a jam.

"Alright boys, hand it all over." Charlie held out his hand impatiently. This was the last thing he wanted or needed right now. When the joints were securely in his palm, placing his other hand menacingly on his holster, he eyed them both warily. "Got anything else on you? Pipe, one-hitter, any shake or needles I need to know about? If you do, cough it up now or it's about to get a whole lot worse for you."

"No. No, Sir. I swear, this is all of it." Ricky stammered, pale as a sheet.

On the other hand Bobby regarded him with as little respect as a toddler playing dress up on Halloween. "We don't have to give you nothin' and you can't search us without consent either."

_Nasty little bug. Fucking prick just like your dad. I'm gonna take great pleasure in watching you shit your pants when those metal bars close on your ass. That's right you little fucker. You messed with the wrong cop._ "Son, I think you'll find that I can arrest you here and now for possession. I can fix it so that Judge Williams can't hear your case or set bail for you until next week. So, I'd suggest that unless you'd like to keep those shoelaces in those expensive sneakers daddy bought you, that if you have anything else you hand it over right now. Do you understand me, boy?"

With a defiant look and a lot of regret, Bobby Mallory handed over the rest of the bag that was in his pocket. Not much more than shake after rolling two joints, but still enough for a Saturday morning wake and bake.

"Hands against the wall boys." Charlie reached for his cuffs, automatically reciting their miranda rights. "Ricky Stephens, you have the right to remain..." He didn't get far before the kid turned his pleading eyes on him. "Please sir, don't arrest me. We were celebrating, that's all. I.. I got a scholarship today to the UW. It's my only ticket out of this town. Please, Chief Swan, I'm begging you. My dad is home and..."

In a brief moment of compassion, Charlie released him. He'd seen it before. Kids from crappy homes strung out on drugs with a one way ticket to hell that had been reserved for them by asshole parents, paid for with the bottom of a bottle. "If I let you go, I expect you to keep your nose clean until the day you leave. If I find out that you've gotten your ass into a sling up in Seattle, I swear I will find some way to charge you and make it stick. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir." Ricky nodded his head affirmatively, swearing over and over that it would never happen again. On the other hand, Bobby crossed his arms over his chest and asked if this meant he was getting his weed back.

Charlie was steamed. The urge to let them go was getting quickly overridden by his temper. "Get the hell out of here before I change my mind!"

The boys took off running, never looking back.

When he got back to his car, Charlie locked the confiscated marijuana in his trunk, pissed off that he was going to have to dispose of it so that he wouldn't have to explain this away to anyone at work. That was when it hit him. An idea so wrong that he should arrest himself on the spot for it, right after he resigned and turned in his badge.

Charlie Swan was a sight to behold when he rushed into the Black house, slamming the door behind him then throwing the lock. "What in the hell has gotten into you?" Billy watched as Charlie wildly pulled all the curtains tightly closed before scurrying through the kitchen to lock the back door. "Billy, you said Jake's up at the Makah reservation with the Calls for a few days, right?"

"You know he is." Billy rolled into the kitchen after him, burning as much rubber as he could over linoleum and shag. Wheelchair be damned, Charlie needed a wake up call in his opinion and it had been too many years since his fists had gotten some exercise. "They left yesterday. Now tell me why the fuck you're acting like a shifty bitch."

"Call Harry. Tell him to get his ass over here," Charlie said, handing him the phone. Billy regarded him with all the disgust of a lab rat, crossing his still heavily muscled arms over his chest. "Not until you tell me why."

Looking around one last time, forty-year-old Charlie Swan, Chief of the Forks Police Department, pulled a confiscated bag of weed and two joints out of his left coat pocket. "Get your peace pipe out, buddy. We're gonna smoke us a bowl."

"You're serious?" Billy picked up the bag, unsealed it and sniffed. "Damn, this is some good shit! Where the hell did you get it?"

"Don't ask. You don't need to be implicated in a crime. The less you know the better. Now, are you gonna help me get rid of this or do I have to flush it down the toilet?"

Billy shoved the phone at him. "You call Harry. I need to see what we've got in the fridge and dig out the pipe."

Nervously, Charlie punched in the number for the Clearwaters then drummed his fingers while it rang. A little guilt surged up inside of him when their young son, Seth answered the phone, then yelled for his dad. When he told Harry that he needed to get over to Billy's right away, he'd been met with protest. Sue had one hell of a day at the hospital and she was exhausted. Covering, he informed him that Billy needed him there on some emergency tribal matter and then played dumb. It worked. Harry showed up five minutes later, pounding on the door, demanding to know why it was locked.

"What the hell is going on here?" he asked, looking at his two friends like they were up to no good. Harry had always been the level-headed one of the bunch. Charlie threw the deadbolt behind him while Billy gestured for him to have a seat. "Tribal bullshit my ass."

"Well old friend, the time has come for us to renew our sacred vow of brotherhood." Then lifting a little cloth from the coffee table, Billy revealed the pipe. This wasn't just any pipe. It was one that Billy Black had carved himself as a teenager for the express purpose of getting high with his best friends. "Thanks to Charlie, we have some prime dope to put in this baby and we're gonna go on a magic carpet ride back in time."

Without further ado, Charlie turned on the record player, the needle jumping over the old vinyl like a lost friend. The sound of classic rock filtered from the old hi-fi speakers into the air, followed soon after by a haze of gray. Harry eyeballed them both with a grin. "You know, my wife is gonna kill me if she finds out you blew a bunch of smoke up my ass to get me over here."

The three men took their places around the coffee table. The same exact positions they had last sat in fifteen years or more ago, Quil Ateara's presence creating a noticeable void amongst their trio. Quickly it was decided that they'd each take an extra hit on every pass in their dead buddy's honor.

"Fuck..." Harry coughed hard, unused to smoking anymore. "That hurts."

Charlie glanced at his friends bug-eyed, running his hands through his hair. "Anyone feel anything yet? I don't feel anything yet. My fingers tingle though. I wanna run through the rain. Anyone feel anything yet?"

Billy, who had been midway through a toke, choked with laughter, spluttering hard. "Damn. This is some good shit. I think you're stoned, Chuck."

"Fuck you. Don't call me Chuck, Bill." Then he held out his hand. "Gimme that pipe. I need some more."

Harry kept shifting his eyes, winking and blinking, looking around the room without turning his head. "Got any porn, Billy? This isn't right. If I knew we were gonna do this, I would have snuck over a few of my old Playboys."

"Check under Jake's mattress. He thinks I don't know he's got a stash there, but it's the same place I hid shit from my old man."

Jumping up, Harry dashed down the short hallway. Seconds later the shout of "SCORE!" could be heard echoing through the small house.

Within a half hour, the three men were lounging around in the living room, tossing popcorn at each other, listening to their old favorites on the turntable, while Harry read off the stats from the current playmate of the month.

Right after blazing up another bowl, Charlie headed into the bathroom to take a leak. Standing there with his dick hanging out, it occurred to him that the flowers on the shower curtain were blooming. For a long while he watched the petals unfolding, the fabric they were printed on breathing as if it were alive. Hypnotized, his eyes soon became heavy, the hand pressed against the tiled wall now being used to brace himself from falling headlong into the tub. Sleep was beckoning from a distant horizon. _Fuck. I didn't expect to get this high. Fuck! Fuck!_

"SWAN!" Harry's voice, accompanied by fists pounding against the door woke him back up. "Quit jerkin' off and get back out here. Your cell's been lighting up like a goddamn christmas tree."

Suddenly, Charlie was aware he was still standing there, pants unzipped, dick in hand, in front of a bowl full of piss. "I'm takin' a leak, asshole! Gimme a sec." Footsteps signalled that Harry had walked away from the door, but his laughter could be heard along with rambling about pissing contests and the Guinness Book of World Records.

Plopping down on the threadbare shag carpet, he leaned back into a pillow, lazily watching the haze of smoke dancing across the popcorn ceiling. The record playing skipped a beat, letting silence descend on the room. The even sound of his breathing, the slow rise and fall of his chest as his lungs filled with air fascinated him. He began to count his breaths, timing the length of each one as the air filled him to capacity.

"Dude, we should go do something stupid." Harry dropped Miss May, leaping up from his seat like a man possessed. "We should go cliff-diving!"

Laughter interrupted the count of breaths that Charlie measured one by one in his drug-induced haze. "Yeah, how the hell is Billy gonna jump off a cliff?"

"We'll throw him off." Harry, the ever studious one of the group, grabbed a pen and began outlining a diagram comprised of stick figures on the back of the Playboy with as much concentration as if it were the scientific equation to cure cancer. Then with his brows pinched together, using the pen as a pointer, Professor Clearwater showed him where they should stand, calculating the distance from the edge of the rocks and the exact angle that he felt was necessary to give Billy's body the proper momentum to propel over the the edge of the cliff and into the deep water below. "We lock our arms together beneath him, swing back and forth like so, then toss him out."

"That could work, but we'll have to make sure we lock our elbows." Charlie's brow wrinkled in concentration. "Shit. How are we gonna get him so that he's sitting on our arms. Fuck! We really need Quil here."

"I know!" Harry plopped down into the recliner, then allowed his body to slip to the floor in an animated version of what they needed to happen. "Billy slides out of his chair. We snake our arms under his legs, then on the count of three we lift him."

Billy's eyes shifted between the two men who were having an in-depth conversation as if he weren't there. "Think you can pull it off?" He blinked and then lit another bowl. "Damn. This is some good shit."

"Where did you say you got this?" Harry threw a suspicious look at Charlie. "I mean, this isn't exactly Chief of Police behavior."

"Uh... I found it in a box at home. Yeah, and it was there and I figured it musta been from when we were still smokin', so I brought it over here." _Lies. All lies.. _a chorus of elves laughed in his head.

"Bull. First of all, it's not stale." Harry picked up a bud and rolled it between his fingers. "This is still sticky. It's not crumbling. Second... when we were teenagers we could never afford this kind of weed. This stuff must have come from Canada. What Quil grew was ditchweed compared to this."

"Yeah, man. This is some good shit. You got any cake? I'm hungry for cake."

Charlie and Harry both looked over at Billy. It was at least the tenth time he'd uttered the phrase that afternoon and yet, glassy-eyed as he was, his hands were busy packing another bowl.

"Hey, Panama Red. Maybe you should lay off for a bit."

"Is that a racial slur, Swan?" Billy eyeballed him with the look he used to reserve for the men on the receiving end of his fists. The only difference was that Charlie knew he wasn't serious. "You making fun of my skin? If you are, I'll get outta this chair and remind you exactly what I'm made of."

Harry rolled his eyes. Some things never changed. "Oh for Gods sake. Knock it the fuck off... and Charlie, answer your goddamn phone. The two of you are making me twitchy. I'm gonna go find some brownies or something. I got a case of the munchies."

Reluctantly, Charlie snatched the cell off the coffee table, where Billy was busy sorting through leaf and seeds like his life depended on it. They'd already packed up what was in the joints, but the shake in the bag promised at least another bowl.

Flicking open the phone, he saw Renee's name pop up on the screen. "About time!" he shouted, hitting talk. "Renee, I've got a question for you."

"Well, it can't be that important since you didn't answer the first five times I called you," she laughed. Ever since his ex-bitch of a wife had gotten herself a boy-toy she'd been a helluva lot easier to deal with. "Besides, I've got some news for you. Rather, Bella does." As usual, Renee didn't care about what he had to say, rambling on with her own agenda regardless of what anyone else had going on in their lives. At the same time he was about to tune her out, Billy had just lit up again, blowing smoke right past his face. Charlie inhaled, spluttering and coughing hard when it burned his throat.

"Charlie, are you okay? What's going on up there?"

"Yeah, nothing," he covered. "I'm fine. Just getting over a lousy cold is all." If Renee even suspected what he was up to, she'd make sure he never saw his daughter again. Nevermind all the years she'd been a lousy mother, taking off whenever she felt like it.

"If you'd spend less time on the lake and more at home-"

Just like that, the happy buzz he had was gone and Charlie saw red. All these years later and she was still harping on him. "My life, Renee. You left it a long time ago. You don't have any right to start lecturing me now."

"Don't start with me," she argued. "I didn't call to pick a fight, but you being at home more is part of what I need to talk to you about. Bella is going to call you later. Phil had to go on the road again and she knows I'd like to be with him. She's going to ask if she can come live with you... and before you ask, it wasn't my idea, it was hers."

Stoned as he was, Charlie wasn't sure if she was serious or if his mind had taken him on some kind of magic carpet ride. "Is this some kind of joke? It's not funny."

"It's no joke," she assured him. "She's already packing her bags. I told her that it wouldn't be a problem. However, I expect that you'll spend more time at home than you did when we were married. I'm not shipping her off to you so that you can play the absent father again."

Narrowing his eyes, he wished for once that he could get her in the same room when she pulled this crap. Always over the phone, halfway across the country where he couldn't do anything but snarl at her over a long distance wire. "I was never absent from her life and you know it. You took her away from me, Renee."

"That doesn't matter anymore." She blew him off as if her part in their separation and subsequent divorce didn't matter one iota. "Is this going to be a problem? I need to know right now."

Without hesitation, he told her yes. Charlie barely heard anything else she had to say, knowing it didn't matter. Bella would call later when he was sober again and he'd get the details from her. For now, all he could think about, the only thing running through his mind was that his daughter was finally coming home. When the call ended, he had a permagrin the size of Montana plastered across his face and his two glossed-over buddies were staring at him, their hands stuffed with cheetos, like he'd finally lost it.

Charlie snatched the pipe from the table and lit it up. "Let's celebrate boys. My little girl is coming home."

Billy looked his old friend in the eye with sheer amazement over the news. "Damn, this _really_ is some good shit."

When the last record was over, Harry flipped on the radio. The sound of Toxic reverberated through the air.


	12. Chapter 12: Blinded By The Light

Chapter Song: Blinded By The Light; Manfreid Mann

**2005**

Spring had rushed into Forks like a breath of fresh air, releasing the Northwest from winter's icy grasp. Sunshine burst forth through the misting rains, parting gray clouds to leave a lush carpet of green along the landscape. Birds chirped merrily from the trees, blue jay's teasing fat robins while bright orange orioles swept across the sky, searching for the honeyed sweetness of summer nectar.

Like the acorn sending its small green fingers up through the softened earth, life sprang anew with the freshness of springtime's sweet promise. All around him, the citizens of the town walked past with friendly waves and happy smiles brought forth from deep in their hearts. Spring had a way of doing that to people here. It sent out an infectious joy, filling their souls with hope.

Everyone was happy, but one person. He had too much on his mind to consider the beauty of nature. No, today he was out for one reason and one reason only. To clear his head.

_Blinded by the light... revved up like a deuce... another runner in the night..._

Charlie Swan, Chief of Police, drove around Forks in his patrol car, drumming his fingers along to the music. He'd had a lot on his mind lately, namely that little snot-nosed brat dating his teenage daughter.

He'd picked her up for school again this morning, lounging against the bumper of his car like he was some kind of male underwear model. _Kid looks like he needs a shower if you ask me_, Charlie thought. _Walking around with his hair messed up, looking like he just got out of bed... or worse... _he cringed, _ had a good roll in the sack_.

The second Bella bounded out the door, Edward rounded the car, pulled the handle for her and watched as she carefully tucked herself in. _Since when can't Bella open a door herself?_ Not that any man worth his salt shouldn't open doors for ladies, but it was the way Cullen did it that bothered Charlie. Like he was waiting for her to trip over her feet. Like he was waiting for some kind of horrible accident. Like she was a porcelain doll.

Charlie snorted. He'd seen his daughter throw a punch and wrestle with the kids on the reservation when she was five years old. Why the hell she was acting like this now was beyond him. Try as he might to come up with something else, Charlie's cop intuition always circled back to the one thing that came into her life when the changes started.

Edward Cullen.

Just the kid's name made him cringe. _Brown-nosing little shit._ For the life of him, Charlie couldn't figure out what the hell Edward wanted with his daughter. No slight to Bella, but it was just... she sure as hell wasn't his type. The Cullen's had money. A lot of it. They flashed it around like it was nothing. Ostentatious. He didn't really have anything against the doc or his wife, they seemed like decent folks despite whatever superstitious bullshit Billy and Harry had against them.

Bella, she was a whole different ball of wax. He'd been pretty elated to find out she wanted to move back to Forks. Hell, he'd waited for that moment for years. Billy always knew it would happen, but more than a decade later, Charlie had given up hope. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet when he'd first gotten her home, but the way he figured it, they just needed to get used to each other again. When he surprised her with that old truck of Billy's, she'd lit up with a million watt smile. A set of wheels and some freedom would do worlds of good helping her adjust to a new place.

Charlie grimaced. Now that old truck sat in the driveway, rusting like a commie statue in Red Square all because Edward Cullen showed up with his stupid silver car and drove her all over the place like a goddamn country squire. Bella just went along with it like some kind of damn puppy, tucking her tail between her legs and played follow the leader. He didn't get it. That sure as hell wasn't the way he taught her to act and damn sure not the way Renee had raised her. If there was one thing his ex got right, it was teaching Bella that women didn't have to duck their heads to nobody.

_but she was blinded by the light... _

The music echoed out of the car stereo like a drug induced 70's revelation. Maybe that was the problem. The Cullen's were pretty well off. Hell, Alice was always taking Bells shopping for girly things. Maybe she was just taken in by the allure of all the money.

Material things hadn't mattered to Bella before. Not like she'd ever really had them, but she wasn't poor, not by a long stretch. So, if money was the allure, that just didn't sit well with him. There had to be more to it, but Charlie was damned if he could figure it out. Normally he'd sit down with Billy and chew it over with a cold vitamin-R in hand, but these days, all he'd hear was how he had to get his daughter away from the Cullen family.

He knew better. If he said black, she'd say white. Telling Bella not to do something would sure as hell make her wanna do it even more. That made him feel a little smug. At least there was some part of her that acted like a normal teenager.

Normal. That was the problem. Edward Cullen just wasn't normal. The kid was light years older than Bella. The boy was only seventeen, but acted like a damn character out of one of Bella's novels. What the hell was she doing reading that trash anyway? Since when was his kid into this gentleman and the lady fair crap? Romance and love wasn't like that. Nope, not by a long shot. It was a helluva life lesson she was gonna have to learn sooner than later.

_Maybe I can ground her_, he thought, grinning like a madman with the idea. _Keep her away from the greasy haired punk for a couple weeks_. Problem was she'd actually have to do something to get grounded for.

Charlie rolled down the window and gulped in the cool spring air. The weather was turning and maybe a little fishing with the boys would clear his head. The sound of the buzzer up at the high school pulled him out of his thought process. "Might as well," he grunted, pulling over to the ditch and setting up his radar. Though, even nailing a teenager for speeding right now wouldn't make him feel the least bit better.

Kids strolled past on the sidewalk. Girls in skirts way too short and boys trailing after, eyes trained on their barely covered asses. Fashion these days baffled him. What baffled him even more was that any father would let his daughter out of the house looking like that. These kids screamed sex. The girls dressed like baby prostitutes and the boys reminded him of a bad 80's venereal disease campaign. It made Charlie want to run down to the corner drug store, buy boxes of condoms and hand them out like a human dispensary.

He watched one of the boys pick up a handful of melting snow and then run up behind one of the girls and toss it down her back. "Brad, you douche!"

Douche. He'd been hearing that word around town a lot lately. Kids were all calling each other douches and douchebags, douchewads and douchepiles. What was with that? Charlie cringed recalling the time when at age seventeen, he walked into the bathroom and found his mother's personal stash of feminine hygiene products. He ended up driving straight over to Quil's, who took one look at his traumatized face and immediately called Billy and Harry. They'd spent two days getting blotto in the woods to try and wipe the awful image and how to instructions (complete with drawings) from the side of the box out of his brain.

"Fuck it." Charlie flipped on the lights to the cruiser, grinned maniacally when the gaggle of teenagers scattered like rats and raced over to the hospital hoping to catch Carlisle Cullen. If the doc didn't listen to reason, maybe he'd let his shotgun do the talkin' the next time ol' Eddie boy and his greasy hair-do came over.

A quick peek in the rearview mirror and a comb through his mustache later, Charlie strolled into Forks General, his back ramrod straight and one hand securely on his holster. The distinguished Dr. Cullen was about to find out just exactly who it was that ran this town.

A sexy "Hi Charlie," from the receptionist, Kathy along with a flash of her cleavage put a little extra strut in his step on his way back to the elevators. Maybe on the way out he'd slip her his number.

Ten minutes later, he was striding out the door, red-faced and fuming. _'Sorry, Charlie. I won't keep the kids apart. Bella's good for Edward.'_

Charlie slammed the door to the squad and peeled out of the parking lot. "Asshole, prick, mother-fucker!" The horn blasted when he landed a punch on the steering wheel. Carlisle's words rang in his head. _'They aren't exactly kids, you know. It's like sex. You try to tell them no and they're going to do it anyway. Personally, I don't think there's a problem there. She's a good kid. Ease up on the reins a bit.'_

The scene he'd made was probably enough to get him banned from the hospital. The silver badge on his left pocket was the only thing protecting him from that happening and he knew it. "That no good son of a bitch better not lay a hand on my daughter or I'll castrate the bastard myself!" Instead of fighting back, the jerk had the gall to stand there looking amused. "Statutory Rape. I'll file the charges myself. Have a talk with your son." After that he'd stormed out, any idea of taking Kathy out on a date gone from his head.

It was an empty threat at best. Age of consent in Washington being sixteen left him permanently screwed in that department. The idea of calling Renee crossed his mind, but she was so tied up with her own boy toy she'd likely cheer Bella on.

Drastic times called for drastic measures.

The birds seemed unusually silent in deference to his foul mood. After a quick call to the station, he pointed the car towards Port Angeles. What he had to do, nobody in town needed to see. Pulling into the mom and pop drugstore on the edge of the city limits, he drew in a deep breath, mentally prepping for what he had to do.

Charlie walked through the doors, nodding once to the old man behind the counter and began searching the aisles for what he needed. He knew where they were. His gut told him. It was like some sort of sick game with the universe.

Aisle three looked like a bottle of pepto bismol puked all over it. Tampons, maxi-pads and personal massagers glared at him from their little frilly boxes. Out of nowhere, the music from the shower scene in Psycho echoed in his head as he drew closer to the intended target.

His stomach lurched and it was all he could do to swallow back the bile rising in his throat. Row after row of boxed Trojans stared back at him, each one with Bella's innocent little girl face plastered to the front. Squeezing his eyes shut, he willed away the image, determined to do what he came here to do. "I am not giving her permission. I am being a responsible father. I will kill the son of a bitch if he touches her." Each muttered sentence a promise spoken under his breath, punctuated by mental curses.

Staring at the rack of condoms, he knew then and there he'd rather be in a shootout at the local 7-11. All he had to do was pick one box and get the hell out of there. The problem was that rubbers weren't the same as they were when he was a kid. Now they seemed to come in a porn-ridden variety that would make a sex star blush. His eyes slid over the multi-colored boxes and his heart nearly seized in his chest. Charged. Vibrations. Ecstasy. Then there was the mother of them all. Bare Skin.

A woman with a flock of kids in tow turned down the aisle. It was now or never. Blindly he reached out, snatching a box off the shelf and beat feet toward the register. Just as he'd turned the corner, another woman with her brats came rushing toward him.

It all seemed to happen in slow motion. Later he'd never be able to remember exactly when it was that his size thirteen's decided to betray him. One second he was a man on a mission, the next he was on the floor, a colorful display of boxes crashing all around him.

The scent of morning paradise and delicate blossom spilled out of the boxes, leaking onto the floor. Directions, printed with disturbing how-to images of curvaceous women using the product floated to the ground like confetti.

Red faced and spluttering, Charlie tried to apologize to the elderly pharmacist looking down his nose at him over half-moon spectacles. It was then that he saw what was clutched in his hand. Trojan Pleasure Pack. Twisted, Pleasure Sensation, Intense, Fire & Ice, 40% thinner! Emblazoned across the top... Magnum.

Condoms forgotten, he ran out of the store, douche fluid dripping from his pants. Billy raised an eyebrow when he showed up smelling like cotton blossoms, but asked no questions. That might have had something to do with the soggy directions plastered to the sleeve of his shirt. Instead he headed for the fridge, popped open a couple of beers and called Harry. They spent the next two days in a drunken stupor.

When Charlie crawled home a few days later, Bella was none the wiser... but he was. In their inebriated state, the three of them googled douche on Jacob's laptop. First they'd asked the kid, but he shook his head and booked out the door faster than a greased pig, jumping on the opportunity not to show his face for the rest of the week.

Closing out the hundred ads for Summer's Eve that kept popping up like a damn circus sideshow, they finally came across the urban dictionary. **Douche:** One who is douchey - a self-promoting asshole who contributes nothing to the world. Tool. Loser.

Added to that was an entry stating that the term douche was socially more acceptable than calling someone a cocksucker, fucktard or even cumdumpster. The last of which evoked an entirely new google search that had left him reeling once again, ready to forever ban the internet from their house. No way in hell was he upgrading from the old dial up connection Bella was always complaining about. Not in this lifetime.

On top of all this, he did file a mental note to himself that douching does not prevent pregnancy. Charlie wondered just how to let this little fact slip out over the supper table without looking like a total jackass. He could just see the two of them sitting there, eating spaghetti, making small talk. He'd take a drink of water and look her in the eyes. "So Bells, did you know douching doesn't prevent pregnancy?" Yeah... maybe not.

Two days later, Bella announced that Edward wanted her to come over for a movie. Being the considerate father that he was, Charlie squared his shoulders and insisted that he come to their house for pizza first. "My treat," he said. "We'll all spend a little quality time together."

It wasn't an accident that the table was covered with guns. Nope, he was taking this opportunity for all it was worth and that snot-nosed prick would learn a lesson.

When the doorbell rang, he all but bolted for it, cocking the double-barrel shotgun in his hand. "Good Evening, Chief Swan. I'm here to pick up Isabella." Charlie eyeballed the little fucker standing on his doorstep, acting all contrite. Kid was dressed in a motherfucking suit like a miniature mafia kingpin. What kind of seventeen year old does that? _Douche_. A sly grin broke across his face the second he thought it. _Tool. Cumdumpster._

Edward's eyes popped a bit, but he didn't say anything. Wasn't like the kid could get much paler than he already was. Charlie just figured it was the loaded gun in his hand ready for action and pointed directly at the shithead's crotch that unnerved him. "Bells, Edmund is here!" he called, maintaining eye contact with the target at all times. He might have been smiling, but a million thoughts slid across his mind. _That's right you greasy haired punk. I got your number. You even think about touching my little girl, I'll eat your cock and balls for breakfast. Right after I mop the floor with that oil stain haircut of yours. That's right mother-fucker. I don't trust you and I got my eye on you._

Rags and guns littered the table where they were eating. Bella barely nibbled on her one and only slice of pizza. That was another thing he'd noticed. She hardly ate anymore. Picking up his service revolver, Charlie slid in the clip, squinted and took aim, careful to point straight at Edward's head. _If you're behind that too, I'll pop a bullet between your eyes and make it look like an accident._

At that point, Edward jumped up from his seat. "We really need to go. My family is expecting us." Bella looked up at him a little bewildered, but per usual, trailed after him like a puppy. Charlie followed them out the door, shotgun tipped over his shoulder. "Home by ten, Bella."

She waved from inside the car while Edward carefully eased it out of the driveway. _Probably worried about dinging up that fancy paint job. I'd pay to let some kid key it. That's right you douche. Run away. Run away._

After they pulled out of sight, Edward turned to Bella. "I don't think your father likes me very much."

_Now Scott with a slingshot finally found a tender spot and throws his lover in the sand_

_And some bloodshot forget-me-not said daddy's within earshot save the buckshot, turn up the band._

_Blinded by the light... revved up like a deuce... another runner in the night..._


End file.
